Friday, October 31, 2014

Sessions with Sue 21

I kept forgetting to write about our session from two weeks ago (Friday the 17th), so I'll share my notes from that session before talking about this Friday's. We mostly discussed the things that I'm disappointed in myself about, which are the main reason why I've been so down lately. We also talked a little about my dad:
  • In high school when you'd  envisioned your college self you thought and hoped you'd transform, blossom; be more social and especially not graduate fat; disappointed in yourself because you didn't turn out as you'd hoped.
    • You're gonna need to forgive yourself for that because losing weight takes time, determination, and prioritization that you just don't have right now; plus you're not at all bad like you feel you are
  • What else about your college life hasn't turned out the way you wanted?
  • Concerned about how you'll structure your day once you're out of school; what will be at the center? If you focus all that energy and drive that you put toward school into things that you've wanted to do all this time (music, writing, transforming your body and lifestyle) you'll probably be able to do it
  • Sometimes when you talk you don't sound as if you feel in charge of your life.
  • Dad; here you have a man who─though he doesn't know how to─seems to love you a lot. But he does it so poorly, awkwardly, and selfishly.
  • You can't fix, help, or change your dad. But you'd thought that if you just let him know how you felt and said all you needed to say, he'd understand. But he didn't, and that was a great and painful disappointment to you.
    • One of those ugly lessons of life and growing up: Sometimes no matter what you say, how you say it, or how many times you say it, if the other person isn't listening, they won't understand
  • Wellness plan and needs; setting aside intentional time to be social with others.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Current Food Obsessions!

I've noticed that I'm eating certain foods a lot lately, and I want to share them with you.


Oranges

If foods were significant others, then these would be my long-term boyfriend since highschool. I eat one or at least carry one around with me everyday. When I discover a food that I really like I tend to eat it so often within a certain amount of time that I get sick of it and hardly eat it again (RIP raisins, yogurt, juice). But after almost six years I have yet to get tired of oranges.



oatmeal + hard-boiled egg
Oatmeal

All of my classes go through lunchtime. And due to the significant amount of hours there are between when I eat breakfast and when I get out of class, I've taken to eating oatmeal at work everyday just to give me a boost so I won't go too long without eating. Oatmeal was always a food that I ate casually, but now that I'm eating it everyday and trying so many different flavors (Quaker's "Flavor Variety" and "Fruit and Cream" packs), I'm hooked! Now addition to oranges I've started carrying an extra packet of oatmeal around with me too, just in case! I'm also interested in learning about all the fun and different ways you can dress oatmeal up.


rice milk
Milk Alternatives

I already wrote about soy milk (Silk) a few weeks ago. But in the time that's passed I've also happened upon  almond milk (Silk) and rice milk (Rice Dream). What's funny is that I haven't even been looking for dairy alternatives. I don't have any digestive or ethical issues that would call for it. I've only become acquainted with them recently due to curiosity and happenstance, and now I'm just so fascinated by the variety of "milks" that are out there! When I see one I want to try it!


What are your current food obsessions?

*UPDATE 10/29* Wow, what a coincidence that oatmeal was on my mind yesterday, and today I find out that October 29th is National Oatmeal Day? I didn't even know that was a thing. Happy #nationaloatmealday everyone!

Saturday, October 25, 2014

"You know what? Never mind." - Dear White People

 I've been waiting for this film for two years and it's finally here!

Seen Saturday October 25th: Dear White People

Four African-American college students struggle in their own ways to articulate and negotiate their identities/blackness in the face of various societal pressures, media influences, personal experiences, and peer expectations. Main character Sam leads the crusade against racism, discrimination, and racialized willful ignorance on the campus of fictional Ivy League school, Winchester University. When the top fraternity lead by wealthy white kids (including the university president's son) throws a blatantly racist "African-American themed" party, an unlikely hero steps up to shut it down...

"A satire about being a black face in a white place"


What I really like about this movie: First, it's brilliant and timely! People don't like to talk about race anymore, act like racism doesn't exist, and/or refuse to recognize that they've got it all mixed up... and while this film won't necessary clear it all up for folks, it's an excellent discussion-starter. DWP goes there, unabashedly, with no apologies, and I love it. Second, when's the last time you've seen a large group of young black people in college on any TV or cinema screen? Answer: Not since 'A Different World', and that series ended 20 years ago.

Third, Tessa Thompson. Her styling in the first half of the film was phenomenal! The creative up-dos, the subtle make-up and dark lip shades, the new millennium Denise Huxtable/Lisa Bonet styling? Just perfect. Also, I have to admit that even despite her promising performance in For Colored Girls, I always saw her as just another pretty light-skinned girl in Hollywood. Sorry Tess. But her performance in DWP was so intelligent and honest and purposefully confrontational that you can't not take Sam/Tess seriously.  Fourth, Tyler James Williams. You are officially the bravest black male actor on Earth. Props to you man for facing one of the deepest-held stigmas and phobias in the black community head-on, in one of the biggest media platforms. (That's all I'll say, I don't want to spoil it.) Fifth, one of the films main messages, which is that black people need to be able to be themselves, whatever that happens to mean for each person. The film echoes some of the exact same ideas expressed in the book How to Be Black, and how fitting was it that its author Baratunde Thurston actually makes a cameo in the film?!

What I don't like about this movie: There wasn't anything that particularly turned me off, but I  had this lingering sense that something was missing. It was funny, but not that funny (maybe they gave all the good jokes away in the trailers and teaser clips/social media promotion/YouTube skits?). It wasn't as hard-hitting as I'd hoped it would be. It was certainly bold and blunt, but it could've gone a little bit further in terms of the subjects it broached and the statements it made. Also, the film reads more like a continuous, brilliantly-done web-series/online project than a feature film. I didn't really feel like I was watching a movie. Which perhaps is part of the point, seeing as how Justin Simien took pride in making this as an independent film. All in all, I don't think that Dear White People is a spectacular film. But it is no less brilliant, timely, and necessary.

Would I recommend it?: Absolutely! Most definitely! I don't care if you're black, white, yellow, brown, or blue. Every living, breathing person in America needs to see this film at least once. This country needs films like these.

The Book of Life

I know I haven't done a film review in a while. Truthfully I'm not very knowledgeable of film or cinema, and I'm not all that great at writing about it. But within the last week I've seen a couple of really good ones, and I wanted to tell y'all about them. First up...

Since childhood, Manolo has competed with his best friend Joaquin for the love of their childhood friend-crush, Maria. However, when Maria's life is in danger due to a bet between two gods, Manolo goes on a journey to the Land of the Remembered and the Land of the Forgotten, receiving guidance from his ancestors to find his purpose and save the girl. Part love story/who-gets-the-girl contest, part journey to find one's purpose.

 Seen Saturday October 18th: The Book of Life


What I really like about this movie: The art and effects are stunning! Such lush colors and exquisite detail! The Land of the Remembered sequences especially plunge you into a dream world. I also greatly appreciated the morals of the story, because what's a good animated or children's film without a moral? Along his journey Manolo demonstrates that in order to be a true hero, you have to be selfless. However, though Manolo's passionate and has a pure heart, he is afraid to be himself and reject his family legacy by following his heart's desire of being a musician. Thus the other important lesson that he learns, in conjunction with the "book" theme, is that rather than follow the shadows or pages that others may set for you, it's better to write your own story.

What I don't like about this movie: It started to really be on to something clever and different, with the mixture of a love triangle, Day of the Dead tradition/mythology and a Herculean journey to the Otherworld. But then it just ended the way animated family films always end. Everything is put back in it's place, all that's wrong is made right, and there's a wedding. So the end was kind of predictable, but it certainly didn't ruin the film for me. 

Would I recommend it?: If you're open to musical-comedy-animated-kid films, then definitely!

Friday, October 24, 2014

Pup-pup.

Didn't feel like submitting to the Insta cropmonster, so I'm leaving this here.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Because People Will Forget Anyway?

I'm so stunned and angry right now.

Usually when I write about Ma she's saying something funny or offering some sort of wisdom, but I just can't get with this. We were just talking about my anxiety about life post-graduation as we often do, and I was telling her how I feel like I'm in a crisis. A lot of other people seem to have a vision or some semblance of a plan when they're preparing to graduate. But when I think about my future I see nothing, I told her. She was dismissive in her typical what's-the-big-deal way of responding to my qualms:

 "That's just because you have to do something great. You want evvverybody to admiiire you."

First of all, rude. And false. I don't even like for people to look at me, so why would I want to be admiiired by evvverybody? Second of all, what's wrong with wanting to do something great, or at least something that matters? I asked her just that, and she replied:

"Have you ever thought of it this way? You know, you have all these streets, monuments, buildings, and the like named after all these people who've supposedly done great things. But after a while people are like, 'Who is that person?'. They forget who that person is anyway. I'm just saying.'"

Just saying what? You're not saying anything! So we should just settle for mediocre lives and not bother trying to do anything worthwhile, since no one's going to remember us anyway? We should just settle for being passionless, money-making robots because nothing we do is going to matter? Are you freaking kidding me?!? Is that really how you think? Is that the type of thinking that guides you? I mean I knew my mom was set in her ways and a little closed-minded, but geez.

Maybe I don't have the requisite self-confidence to chase after my dreams at the moment, but even I know that there's value in doing things that are meaningful to you. Sue me for wanting to care, or at least have a smidgen of interest in what I end up doing for a living.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

No Flex.

I love the original "No Flex Zone" for how excitingly strange, animated, and catchy the song is. But I also love this remix. I'm not the biggest Karmin fan, but I admire their creativity and upbeat attitude. Plus Amy Heidemann's got this soul that people have been sleeping on. Yes she's a white girl singer-rapper, which understandaby elicits some initial eye-rolling and skepticism. But she really shows off her skills here. And I truly believe that she hasn't released all the bad-ness that's within her yet, whether that has to do with her artistry or her persona. She's been giving us successive tastes of it, which is why I so much enjoy her performance here and in Karmin's new video for "Sugar". She's gotten so confident and sly-sexy in the last couple of years, but is still a total goof, and I'm all for it.

Also, Watsky. Not familiar with you yet, but I approve. Bravo to you too.



Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Girl Who Said No.

The friend I mentioned in my last post who started a body positive blog asked me to contribute by writing my own letter. I respectfully said declined. (If I'm a hypocrite for encouraging you to do it while refusing to do it myself, so be it.) She then responded to me on her blog, quoting part of what I'd said to her. Click the link below to read it.

To The Girl Who Said No When I Asked Her to Write a Love Letter to Herself


Thank you, Dany. Honestly, the idea of writing a love letter to my body/myself still sounds pretty ridiculous to me for now. Unfortunately I do not feel what you've written to be true for me (not because what you wrote is false, but rather because I can't bring myself to believe such things currently). Nonetheless, I appreciate your kindness in lovingly putting me on blast. Haha.

Maybe one day.

Blogs by Beautiful Friends

Just a couple online verbal works of art in the making created by two of my friends...

Zesty. (http://ncmakoni.wordpress.com/)
"An African girl learning to live life."

My friend Nyasha started this blog back in February. It's more of a personal blog like mine is, but her writing is much more reflective and melodic. Transparent. Poetic. I read her stuff and feel like someone's sitting me down and telling me a story. I only wish she would write and share her magic with us more often!


Love Letters and Musings on Our Bodies (http://dearbodyproject.wordpress.com/)
"Do You Love You?"

My friend Dany started this blog just recently at the beginning of this month. In the interest of advancing self-love and helping people unlearn self-hate and disordered relationships with their bodies, Dany (aka Isabelle Happyfeet) invites anyone willing to write a love letter to their bodies. She gives more detailed backstory and instructions in her "About" section, but basically what she's got going here is a courageous and brilliant safe space. She's already got some letters up there, starting with her own. If you're interested in having your letter published on the blog, email it to  thebodyloveletters@gmail.com.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Look without looking?

"You need to learn to not think about yourself so much. Like look in the mirror without looking at yourself. You gotta look past yourself."   ─Ma

Ma said this to me just now. I don't really understand it though. She told me that I don't know how to do it because I don't understand what she's saying. But I really don't.  How can you not think about yourself when you have to be yourself everyday?  How can you look at yourself without looking at yourself? I just don't get it.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Word Hugs.

A few mindful and affirming words shared today by Chrisette Michele and Kim Katrin Milan respectively. I've actually been struggling with these particular thoughts a lot lately, feeling like the good seats in life are already taken, or like anything great has either already been done or will be done better by someone else rather than me. So thank you for sharing, lovelies!



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WERK MOMMA!!!

The Odd Couple and the Oinking Dalmatian

At the shelter on Friday I had the pleasure of working with these dogs.

This odd couple: Bert (Yorkie/poodle mix) and Ernie (Pit bull mix)



And this heavy-breathing chubby lovely Dalmatian mix, Patches. First time walking a Dalmatian!  



Along with four other beautiful canines. 'Twas a good day at the shelter. If you're interested in adopting any of these pups, just click the links in their names. 

Update (11/23)- Patches was adopted on October 30th. Unfortunately the odd couple was split up, as someone adopted Ernie on November 4th. Bert was adopted the next day but was returned to the shelter, but then he was adopted again on the 14th and is now in his forever home as well! Good luck to all the pups!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Forgetting English

Me: It didn't seem like work that would be very... ummm, what's the word? Geez, I don't know what word I'm trying to say.

Ma: That's okay.

Me: You know that word for when you do something and it makes you think more deeply and do other things better?

Ma: Stimulate?

Me: What?

Ma: STIMULATE.

Me: Stim...u...? Yeah! That word! The work didn't seem very stimulating.

I'm forgetting English words, it's sadfunny. And don't even get me started on the idioms that don't flow like they used to. This is what I get for being a language learner. Talk about being uprooted!

On Repeat: "Every Moment"

I've been really down lately, and while I was at work this morning I remembered this song. It's called "Every Moment" by forever JONES, and it's certainly not new. But it's one of my favorite gospel songs because it conveys vulnerability, sadness, and hopeful reliance on God so delicately. Its production and musical style are also not what you'd typically hear from a black gospel group. I especially love this song for the analogy it makes about God as a bird; an ever-present, covering force that's not only watching over us, but is right here beside us. He floats in the air, as breath and life itself. My favorite lines are especially:

You're in the midst of chaos, hiding me beneath your feathers
You will keep my heart from failing
--
He will stretch his wings to cover you when troubled times appear
Giving courage to the fearful heart, forever standing near

I've been playing this song over and over literally all day, mouthing the words to myself. At work, on the bus to and from class, as I write this post. Even when I wasn't actually listening to it, I was hearing it in my head. All the while tearing up but trying no to let the tears fall, desperately wanting to believe that the assurances in this song truly apply to me too. I'm ashamed to say that I'm still too blue right now to be fully convinced. But I'll keep listening to it over and over tomorrow, the day after, and however long it takes for me to be certain that I haven't been forgotten. And I hope that this song blesses you and enables you sit for a quiet moment and contemplate the presence of God in your life.


Tuesday, October 14, 2014

ArtPrize

This past Sunday I went to ArtPrize, which is an international annual art festival/competition in Grand Rapids.

I have to admit that I didn't want to be there though. It was a mandatory outing for this scholarship program that I'm in, but I'm kinda over field trips at this age. And I didn't appreciate that they chose a Sunday for this. For me, Sundays are supposed to be reflective and productive days spent in solitude, so I wasn't thrilled about having to lose a chunk of time for something I wasn't especially gung-ho about.

Long and short, I didn't want to be there, and for the little that we saw it was no cup of tea (we didn't even get to see the grand prize winner!). But it wasn't terrible. The weather was nice. The other students in my scholarship group are good-natured people. And it was my first time going, so at least now I can say that I've been. If you're interested in seeing the pics I took, check the link below.


Also, props to Rachel B. for sneaking this photo.


First Time at ArtPrize

Friday, October 10, 2014

Sessions with Sue 20

This session was yesterday, another deviation from our regular Friday. We mostly talked about artistry, my future and of course, my dad.
  • "A Night of Poetry" and what I learned
    •  Ebony Stewart's advice about being true to yourself and owning up to you being a human being who's still working through stuff... people will dig that, will feel and respond to that. And even if they don't, what's more is that it makes your work more genuine and authentic
    • Song and poetry are linked; adapt the poet's strategy to performing; maybe I can't fully get with the idea of performing/entertaining in terms of putting on a show to impress people, but I could get with the idea of telling and sharing stories; and that way even te largest arena can be made an intimate space
  •  You could always be reading/studying/doing something "productive"; but it's important for you to take time to do enjoyable and fun things anyway
  • On career prospects; Sue was trying to think of how she could help me see that there's something out there for me; recommends Indeed.com
  • Sue: You'll end up with more options and possibilities than you'll know what to do with; I see you as incredibly capable and talented young woman with so much potential, yet has so many doubts about what's ahead of her
    • gotta own who you are, especially the good parts; and no one can give you that, you have to grow into that
    • experiences like going to Japan and France grew you in ways that just being at school couldn't; going off somewhere new after you graduate (as opposed to just going home) could be good for you in the same way
  • Still not talking to Dad; even if you do decide to not have anything to do with him anymore for now; leave a small window open in case you change your mind down the line
  • About your dad being afraid toward you/not knowing what to do or say, how to act around you
    • Maybe he assumed or was to scared that he'd fumble, mess up, not do things right/perfectly that he decided to not do anything at all? Distanced and eventually removed himself from the ewuation before he could fail (which he did anyway)? [Me: sound familiar?]
    • Worried about doing or saying the right things when all he had to do was be there
    • Dad's so caught up in how he feels and his discomfort toward difficult situations that he can't see anything else [Me: sound familiar?]
  • Being able to take your child's resentment/acting out/hurtful words or behavior and still move toward them and say "I love you anyway"; that's a courage in parenting that Ma seemed to have but Dad didn't and still doesn't

Kissies from Pitties

And the award for Sloppiest and Most Unexpected Kisses goes to: pitties (pit bulls)!
Was at the shelter for the first time in two weeks today and I got randomly smooched on the mouth by two of them. (Cute but eww. Why do they always go for the mouth?) Rather than getting mauled, getting licked to death is what I have to be careful of most when putting my face too close those of the pit bulls there. You're just trying to play fetch with them or untangle them from their leash, and they don't look too enthused. Like you're boring them or something. But then before you know it they've got their tongues on your face.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Roots Matter.

This morning I'm at Pablo's ordering to-go again and the owner (let's call him T) is chatting me up while he rings up my order. He asks if I'm American and I say yes. Then he asks where I come from. 

I look confused so T clarifies, where my parents come from. I'm still confused so he says,  "You know, your roots?" Ohh...I say I don't know. "You don't know?" No, most of my family has no idea. "You've never looked up your family tree?" I say no, not yet, hopefully one day. 

And listening to myself talk, I was a bit saddened. I hadn't realized how much I and a lot of other African-American/Black folk like me take our not knowing where we come from as a given, like it's an unchangeable fact of life. But this is not to say that roots don't matter. And unlike some people (eh-hem, Ms. Raven), I will not use this passed-down ignorance (and by ignorance I mean simply, "not knowing") as an excuse not to try and find out. I will also not use this ignorance as a convenient excuse to shirk so-called "labels" which as far as I'm concerned, are not mutually exclusive, do not have to be limiting or confining, and only serve to make one more complex, and therefore dynamic, and therefore beautiful. 

You have the right to identify yourself any way you want.  But all that "I'm not this, I'm not that" stuff? You can keep that. You can keep all of it. 

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

I'm on another Website!

In case anyone's interested in how I spend my weekday mornings... read here.

Typical last name puns/jokes aside, I really appreciate the way my supervisor wrote this and the nice things she had to say about me. Ma loved it, so thank you Dawn!



Outings: Pablo's Panaderia

Pablo's Panaderia - Old Town Lansing (8 October)
  • Stayed at work an extra 2 1/2 hours to make up time that I missed (would this be what you call "working a double"? does that apply even if you're an unpaid intern?)
  • During lunchtime, popped around the corner to this Mexican restaurant I've been wanting to try since my last just-okay Old Town dining experience
  • Authentic Mexican fare; best or second-best Mexican food in town, depending on who you ask
  • Got a feeling that this might be a family-owned restaurant; the owner and the lady waiting tables/running the register were pleasant; didn't really see anyone else because they were in the back
  • "Preuss especial" Torta 
  • Ordered to-go, but was able to sit and get a feel for the place for a few minutes while I waited
  • Not too many people despite it being around noon; no lunch rush here? Too early?
  • Went back to the office and ate at my desk; inhaled it! Not sure if that was because it was that good or because I was starving, but either way no complaints!
  • Would definitely go back to try something else another time


*UPDATE 9 October *
  • Woke up with a headache and ended up skipping breakfast to get to work on time, so I went back to Pablo's as soon as it opened
  • Breafast Torta (potato, egg, cheese) with salsa on the side = PERFECTION!
  • The owner rang me up this time and he was very friendly and talkative; the type of person who likes to chat you up and ask you questions about yourself; someone who likes to be familiar with his customers
  • No more Tortas for me for at least the next week; two in two days is enough! Next time I go I'll be a little adventurous choose something else

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Far Away.

Earlier this evening I was talking to Ma about how I feel like I'm so far from the person  I want to be. This is not to say that who/what/where I am now is essentially bad. But there are definitely quite a few changes that I need to make in order to become the kind of person that I want to be. And I know what those changes are, but I'm not sure that I can make them and carry them out to completion.

One reason for this is that these changes are going to take time. There's no certainty of how long they will take, and there are sure to be setbacks, because there are setbacks in any journey. And just like any journey or endeavor, there is no guaranteed result. I consider myself a patient person in general, but in terms of my own personal progress I get discouraged easily and often give up on myself. So basically patience and discipline are two significant factors in this.

Sometimes it all seems like a lost cause, like if "it" [insert good thing or accomplishment] hasn't happened by now, it's not going to happen. Sometimes I wonder if even I am a lost cause, since I already feel like I'm behind and lacking in so many ways. I constantly feel like I'm running out of time already, and once this whole college thing is over things are going to move so fast that I may not be able to stay afloat.

Basically I have a vision of what I hope will be my better self, and I have an idea of which direction I should be headed in, but I'm not sure if I can do it. Between who I am now and said better self, it's like I'm split between two different people. And that other Deela seems really far away right now.

Thank you Jesus for Fatai.

Trying not to cry about how beautiful this is, but I'm failing. Thank you Lord for blessing this beautiful soul with this gift. Even from the other side of the world, your Spirit speaks.


More

Usually, the biggest trepidation I have with giving of myself is wondering not so much  what I'm going to get back, but rather what I'm going to lose. But maybe I, or we, don't really lose anything.





Via PostSecret

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Outings: A Night of Poetry

A Night of Poetry @ MSU Union - East Lansing (3 October)
  • Slam poetry event featuring MSU prof Joseph Harris (aka "LOGIC"), Detroit's own blunt, witty, smooth-voiced T. Miller, and the phenomenal, blackgirlmagic, cupcake-obsessed Ebony Stewart from Texas. All of them dope. And super nice!
  •  Also an open mic segment for students to come up and share their wordsweaponswisdomwounds, what have you
  • Themes:  history; the struggles of black folk; black identity and empowerment; the plague of numbness and passionless beings in society; cultural appropiation/gentrification/whitewashing; QWOC; death and mourning; consumerism and social media destroying social interactions, moments/memories, and sense of self;  revolution; directionlessness and financial security; (black) female empowerment; sexual health; body positivity; and the most popular of the night: bitter poems about break-ups/exes/relationship jealousy
  • Q & A
  • Didn't think to take pictures until after LOGIC had already performed, which is why I only took pics of T. Miller and Ebony. But I was feeling them the most anyway, so it's cool
  • Came in associating slam poetry = seriousness, tragedy, vehemence, attitude, eloquence, and anger; all of which showed up but I hadn't expected these poets to be so funny! They had serious jokes!
  • Hugs from both Ebony Stewart and T. Miller + signed book from Ebony + advice from Ebony about developing the confidence to share my work and be on stage
  • Ran into a friend and her friend at the event who are also writers; we all walked "home" together raving about the event and our common lack of any dating or relationship experience
  • Laughing and talking loudly in the rain and the dark; it was divine!  
  • Feeling so inspired now! Thanks to all the poets who performed for sharing their light and magic and wonder and love. Also, good running into friends/acquaintances that I haven't seen in a while
  • All around just a great night that I really needed. Sweet Dreams, everybody!

Session with Sue 19

Today I was expecting that we'd talk about last week's fiasco with my dad, seeing as how it was a big deal and I'd printed out all the messages to show Sue and such. But that was last week. The conversation was over last Wednesday and after Dad finally stopped calling me and sending me messages this Monday, I haven't really been thinking about it. What happened happened, I was upset about how it blew up in my face at first, we're currently not speaking, and it is how it is for now. I actually appreciate the quiet and am uncharacteristically unbothered right now. So though we started with this topic, we didn't stay on it for long. We mostly talked about me figuring out my future (again).
  • Again, need to get more sleep!
  • It's pretty toxic to talk to someone who reacts the way your dad did. We've been doing so much work and you don't need any of that toxicity tainting that little plant of progress that you're trying to continue to grow. So maybe put all that to the side for now.
  • It's not altogether discouraging that you're not thrilled or enthusiastic about any present or future prospects right now; considering what you've been dealing with the past couple of weeks.
  • You've noticed a thing about yourself that when things don't go according to the plan you've set for yourself, you feel like everything's now messed up. But everything's not messed up. Just have to work with/around these unexpected happening and make adjustments to the plan. Or even be open to a new one.
  • You know more about where you want to go in life than you give yourself credit for . May not know exactly what you'll do, but you do know what type of setting you want to be in, what geographical locations interest you, what kind of lifestyle you want.... and that's something great to build off of

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Cyn sings too!

I guess I'm just in a sharing mood today, haha!

So my fellow intern from this summer in Paris named Cyn waited until after I came back to the States to tell me that she could sing and to share this video with me! Haha. Perhaps she was too shy to bring it up while I was there, but I'm glad that she told me nonetheless. She emailed this link to me almost a month ago and for some reason I just got around to watching it today. (Sorry!)

From the little bit here and there that I heard her speak English I could tell that she spoke very well, so it's no surprise to me that she also sings without an accent. She and her boyfriend haven't uploaded in about a year, but what they've got up are a number of moving covers of songs that (I'll admit) I've never heard of. Below is the particular cover that she shared with me, which was also the very first video that they did.