Took me aaaall the way back!

 

Was on my way to freedom (read: driving home from school after my last final). Mix 92.3 dropped this on me and I wasn't ready! Y'all don't even understand, Brandy and Moesha were my ABSOLUTE FAVORITES when I was little! I forgot how good real R&B feels!

Washing Dishes

Just a cloth, some soap and water, and a little pressure.

 

Feeling the warm water soak your hands and slip through your fingers.

 

Calm as you notice bubbles emerging, disappearing, and then forming again.

 

Stains fall away from steel and plastic and glass, almost without putting up a fight. Soon it's as if they were never there to begin with.

 

In a trance as you watch the work of your hands, making things clean.

Or spotless, clear, pretty, perfect, beautiful, right... whatever adjective that just doesn't seem to describe you or your life no matter how hard you try. 

 

Then you're done. And now you can say that, even if small and inanimate, at least you were able to make something clean.

Madiba

Came across this on one of the guys' floors in my dorm. Dude's got skills. And here I was, thinking that young people didn't care about anybody or anything that really mattered. This is beautiful.

Sessions with Sue 2

Yesterday we talked about a lot of things, but one very important topic did emerge from our conversation. This was the topic of masks.

On Thursday I went to ACIV's last meeting for the semester, and the guest speaker was a hilarious and intelligent young black Texan named Sean. Speaking from the theme of "faking it", he discussed 3 main masks that people hide behind on a daily basis.

People use the "Fine Mask" when something is wrong or has changed, but they don't want to acknowledge it. (Consider the daily American conversation: "Hi, how are you?" "I'm fine, how are you?" "I'm fine".) These people are isolated and do not allow themselves to be honest with others. This is me. On the other hand, perhaps people do acknowledge something's wrong, but don't know how to fix it. They might employ the "New Mask", going from one new thing to the next new thing, trying to fill their emptiness (Consider friend-hopping, mate-hopping, trend-hopping, always coming up with a new hobby or career, going to conference after conference, reading every self-help book under the sun. This list isn't exhaustive). These people often feel empty or like a lost cause, because nothing seems to be working. People are also known to use a "Good Mask", by which they try to demonstrate that they are good people or are better than others. (Consider attending church, having morals). These people often judge others based on what they personally choose not to do. I am ashamed to say that this is also me.
 At the end of his message, Sean passed out green paper masks to each of us in attendance. He told us to prayerfully reflect on what our individual masks were and then write them down on the green ones in front of us. I was too embarrassed to write mine down, so I took my notes form Sean's message and the green paper mask to my appointment with Sue yesterday, and she had me do the exercise then. I found that my main masks are:

• Outward positivity/being positive for others
• Composure
• Good grades/achievement
• Being okay with everything and everybody

I rely on these in order to protect myself and maintain a distance between myself and others. Sue explained to me that neither my masks nor my motivations for employing them are inherently damaging or dangerous. The all have good and bad to them. The issue for me is that I let the dark sides of them control my life in such a way that I tend to hide from people and be dishonest with them and myself.

So yeah, that's where I am right now. Sue had mentioned me developing a personal wellness plan, and to start she wants me to write a journal everyday about how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking about my behavior, particularly in regard to ways that I estrange myself from others. We'll see how this goes.

I have friends, and they love me!

We even sing together sometimes!

Last night/this morning I had a wonderful time laughing and singing and yelling at a noraebang (a super-secret-hidden Korean karaoke spot that was surprisingly nice given its shady location).

 

I'm so blessed to have been able to spend time with some of my favorite people. It really meant a lot to me that all of us were finally able to be together at the same time.

Thanks for celebrating my birthday with me! I love y'all!

BOOKS! (Imagine: A Vision for Christians in the Arts)

This is the other book I was able to read for leisure recently. When I was in the arts track at Compelling, one of the staff members used passages from this book to teach her lesson. I snagged the last copy at the conference bookstore at the end of that weekend.

Imagine: A Vision for Christian in the Arts by Steve Turner

This book is meant to encourage Christian artists not to confine themselves in regard to the art they do or how they receive others' art. In other words, Christians don't just have to create and appreciate what has been designated to be "Christian art". We need to lighten up! God is the creator and master of all things, which means he rules over art as well. He can work through various kinds of arts and artists, and that includes artists who are considered heathens, back-sliders, non-believers, or even atheists. Art doesn't always have to have a point, and when it does, it doesn't always have to become a sermon.

Truth is what matters most, and as Turner writes, truth doesn't just belong to believers. Of course, Christians have a duty to fortify their faith, continuously seek God, and not submit to worldly thinking. But this does not mean that they should shut themselves out from the world and the people in it. Christians also have a duty to harness their human creativity, create, and connect. Ultimately, the divine purpose of art is to communicate or tap into truth in a way that makes people reflect on human experience and think beyond themselves. Art helps people see things differently.

This book is a relatively short read, but offers a wealth of wisdom for Christian artists or supporters of the arts who struggle with the questions What is art supposed to be?, Is God in all art? and How far is too far?

Favorite quotes:

"...we should look at works individually. Rather than asking, Is this artist saved? ask Is this piece of work technically excellent? Is it a valid expression of the artist's view of the world? Are form and content well integrated? Is truth communicated?" (p. 11)

"Some art is simply playful. It may be about nothing more than itself. It attempts neither to tell a story or to make a point.... To some Christians, this is a wasted opportunity, a sermon with no content, a Bible exposition with no substance. But playfulness is an important component of art and perfectly in keeping with a Christian understanding of creativity. Look at the animal kingdom. Can't we sense a spirit of playfulness in the designs?.... 'God,' Picasso once said, 'is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant, and the cat. He has no real style. He just keeps trying other things'" (p. 53-54)

BOOKS! (How to Be Black)

Recently I did something unprecedented since coming to college. I read for leisure, and I didn't even have to wait for a major school break to do it! In one week I read two books, and they had absolutely nothing to do with my classes. It felt like I was reconnecting with my old bookworm self, and it was blissful. First up is an honest work that is sure to get people talking.

How to Be Black by Baratunde Thurston

This book is a New York Times Bestseller, and even though it's only been out for just under two years, I read that it's also in the process of being made into a TV show. Pretty cool, right? It's always inspiring to see creators get recognition for their work. Plus, I have a semi-personal connection to this because my yoga teacher is Thurston's older sister. Small world. Moving on...

Deliberately released during Black History Month (a.k.a. February) of 2012, How to Be Black is part biography, part social commentary on the joys, struggles, and realities of being black, and part group discussion. When addressing certain issues or experiences Thurston includes input from a group of his comedian/writer/artist/activist/conscious people friends, which he refers to as "The Black Panel." As can be deduced from the title, most of the people on this panel are black. But for the benefit of white readers, Thurston also included one of his white Canadian friends just to be "fair". (Because you know, for some white people nothing is truly diverse and conversations about race are never  fair if they don't include them. Sorry, Thurston's sarcasm must be rubbing off on me. Moving on.)

Let me say right off: This book does NOT teach people how to be black. Thurston basically chose this title for its shock value to get people interested in it. What this book really does is humorously yet intelligently discuss what it can often be like to be black.  This includes dealing with non-black peoples' often low, demeaning, or constraining expectations of us. Thurston's primary goals are to drop knowledge and make readers laugh. To an extent, he sheds some light on "our" story by telling us his story.

This is also not a "we hate white people" piece. (Everything isn't always about y'all, believe it or not. Sorry, sarcasm again. Moving on...) In addition to poking fun at how little most white people understand us, he offers an over-arching lesson or theme: "Being Black" means whatever we as black people want it to be. We can make anything "something that's black" or "something that black people do", because no matter what we're doing we'll always be black while doing it. We must not confine ourselves to the narrow definitions of blackness that we use against each other, and worse, those same narrow definitions that non-black people continue to set for us. We still have a lot of progress to make in this country, and we can't do it alone. The key is knowing and loving ourselves proudly, making ourselves seen and heard, and being willing to help non-black people understand us so that we can all collaborate better.

If you're curious about "the black experience" or just want something funny yet intellectually stimulating to read, I highly recommend this book. It might also bring you some fun times as you catch strange looks from people who see you reading it in public, if you choose to do so. My favorite chapters are "How to Be the Black Friend", "How to Be the Angry Negro", "How to Be The (Next) Black President", and "How's That Post-Racial Thing Working Out for Ya?".

Favorite quotes:

"Since then [the 1960s] there's always the concern that our nation's black population will rise up Nat Turner-style and exact revenge through violent revolution. Much of this rage has been effectively muted and channeled into commercial hip-hop, unrealistic dreams of professional sports careers, and daily doses of poison masquerading as nutrition in the form of poorly stocked grocery stores and fast-food businesses in black neighborhoods. There's just not a lot of rioting energy left, with so many distractions" (p. 188).

"It shows our values as a culture when somebody says, 'I don't want to be called a racist.' Really what they're saying is, 'I want you to like me. I don't want to not be liked. I want to still be okay with you.' They don't mean, 'What I really want is to know and understand experiences of people of color so I don't sound ignorant.' That would be great. And so, it shows that, as I have said, we are operating at this third-grade level of race relations. And it's that third-grader that goes, 'Please like me, do please like me,' versus 'Can I understand?'" (p. 243).