Degree(s)

It's officially official now. Not only official, but pup-approved.

Three more proofs!

Found the link to these hidden in my email this morning. From James Madison College Commencement, Saturday May 9th 2015, where I walked for my Comparative Cultures and Politics degree. Courtesy of Graduation Foto.

Spartans Will... Graduate!

What a treat! This afternoon I was able to access these proofs of me from Arts and Letters Commencement last Sunday, May 10th 2015, where I walked for my French degree. These proofs are courtesy of Graduation Foto, and I can't stop staring at them. They mean so much to me, for three reasons.

1) I'm reminded that I only graduated a week ago. A week ago! That makes sense to me when looking at a calendar, but internally it feels like a month has already passed. When I posted these proofs on Facebook with the caption "Was that seriously only a week ago? Wow...", this conversation ensued between me and a friend named Kyle who also graduated with me:

Kyle: Right though? It feels like so much life has happened since that day.

Me: Haha, I know! I was talking to someone today and she said, "You just graduated? Congratulations!" And I was going to correct her and say no, I graduated like a month ago (it feels like it's been that long). But then I remembered it's only been a week.

Kyle: That literally just happened to me 5 minutes ago.What. Are. Our. Lives.

Me: Tell me about it! 

2) I. look. so. good! Please allow me to toot my own horn just for this one moment, because you've no idea how momentous it is for me to say something like that about myself. If you know me personally or have been reading my blog for a while, then it's not news to you that I have image and esteem issues. I have been a champion camera-dodger since elementary school. Take a quick look through all the photos I've taken during my travels, or all the pics I have on Instagram, and you'll see my face in very few of them. In fact, seeing myself in photos or on video has been one of my biggest triggers that can set me off sinking deep into what I call my depressive "dark cloud times". On any other occasion, if you ask me, I'll tell you that I am ashamed of how I look. But not so today, not with these photographs. I look beautiful! Stunning! Even the gap in my teeth peeking out in the last photo, the gap that I've always hidden in pictures by smiling with my mouth shut (also since elementary school), makes me beam on the inside instead of shuddering. That's me. And I look something fierce. 

3) Affirmation, affirmation, affirmation! I always question whether I'm doing enough or making the right decisions. It is difficult for me to feel assured that the things I'm doing are worthwhile or purposeful. But seeing myself in these proofs, I have evidence that I can use to testify to my own accomplishments. Graduation weekend, still so fresh in my memory, was one of the best times of my life because I was surrounded by love and light (as I'd said at the time, so many good things were being thrown at me at once!). It was also one of the best times because I finally got a chance to take look at myself and all that I'd done and say, Good job, Deela. you made it. And you did so much along the way. You really have achieved something, and you've got something sooo good going.  

"You are your own best thing", as Toni Morrison wrote at the end of her novel Beloved. Graduation weekend might've been the first time in my life when I honestly felt that in my heart. And to think, just last semester I was adamant about not attending commencement, because I neither felt I deserved to celebrate anything nor believed that I had anything worth celebrating in the first place. Pssh!

Lastly, as a bonus, here's a better quality photo of my #JMCBrownBeauties and I at Black Grad. Congrats and blessings to everybody making that walk this grad season. Glory be to God for all of you.

To read about more of my memories from graduation (both leading up to and during it), check out all the posts listed under this tag: Goodbye MSU

Arts & Letters Commencement!

After a long weekend and an even longer 4 years, today finally came. The day that would end it all. Early this morning, I, my family, and hundreds of other graduates and guests made our way to the Breslin Center for what was my third commencement ceremony, that of the College of Arts and Letters. Today was the day that my Bachelor of Arts (B.A.) in French was conferred upon me.

The senior address was given by a kid named Simon F. Zagata, and it was absolutely brilliant. He cheekily likened coming to MSU to making the worst dating decision ever; for all the hard work, trials, and sleeplessness it'll take to maintain the relationship, you already know going in that it won't last but four or five years. But in essence, that's where the joy of the experience comes from. He ended his address by encouraging us to be passionate, take chances, and not be afraid to fail and then get back up with a smile to try again (and I paraphrase): "Because no one's ever inspired when it all goes right the first time. And as Spartans, I don't think we'd have it any other way."

Once we'd switched our tassels to the left and been congratulated by the dean of the college, the MSU Symphony Band played "Pomp and Circumstance" to accompany the faculty as they proceeded out of the Arena. But as soon as they were out of sight, the symphony started up the Michigan State University Fight Song, and all of us newly-appointed Spartan alumni jumped up and sang along together! Believe it or not, this was my first time ever singing the fight song at a public MSU event. Yes indeed, in all of my four years living on MSU's campus (one year I even lived kitty-corner to Spartan Stadium), I never once went to a single a sporting event. Not even during the often-worshipped football and basketball seasons. To be honest I've just never been very interested in sports, and witnessing MSU's particular flavor of sports cult firsthand semester after semester certainly didn't make me any more eager to join the fandom. So I don't regret not attending any sports events while at State. With that said, I'd be lying if I didn't admit how mightily gratifying it felt to have one last chance to shout along to "On the banks of the Red Cedar...!" with 400 of my fellow Spartans. It was the perfect ending to an era, that era being my life as a student.

My relatives who'd stayed from yesterday posed with me for a few pictures, but they had to jet off to start on their long drives back to Kentucky. Then I treated Ma to lunch, because today is also Mother's Day! Now we're back at home. After three days of back-to-back graduation fervor and festivities, I'm relieved that it's over but also a little deflated. Now that I'm free, I can literally do anything next. But I'm 22 years old, and for 17 of those years all I've been is a student. So quite a few times this thought has crossed my mind this weekend: Well, now that I'm not a student anymore, what am I? I asked Ma this question today and she said, "You'll be Danielle. You'll be yourself." I guess now it's my opportunity to decide who I want that self to be, and go become that.

On that note, it's been real MSU. I can't say that I ever fell in love with you like most alumni claim to, but I can't deny the fact that I've benefited tremendously from choosing State. And I'd like to say that I've transformed  as a person too. Goodbye and thank you. Sincerely, a Spartan.

Congrats and blessings to errbody!

A Couple More Things

One thing I forgot to mention about today's commencement ceremony. My fellow #JMCBrownBeauties and I decided to use our moment to honor our brothers and sisters who've fallen victim to police/state brutality, showing solidarity with our people and the #BlackLivesMatter movement. So on our name cards, under our names we each wrote, "walking in honor of _____________" and included a different individual's name for the announcer to read off.

I walked in honor of Eric Garner, the innocent bystander and family man who was choked to death by police in broad daylight last summer in Staten Island. The #ICantBreathe hashtag that was circulating widely in relation to protests during the latter half of 2014 was in memory of him, since those were his last words.

Another thing that I'd like to share is that apparently, my family had a surprise for me after graduation and going out to dinner together. Around 9pm my grandpa, my uncle, my aunt, and her husband walked into Ma and I's room with... A Cake! And ice cream! And cards from the rest of the family back in Loo-uh-vuhl! And a bunch of phone calls from said family members! It was a mini graduation party in our hotel room! After having such a lovely time with everybody today, I didn't need or expect anything else. So it was overwhelming having so many good things thrown at me all in one day!

I feel greatly loved and appreciated. Lots of cards, well wishes, "Follow your dreams"s , "Keep God first"s, "I love you"s and "We're so proud of you"s came my way today. I hope to continue to make everybody proud. Praise be to God for each and every one of you.

JMC Commencement!

Yesterday was big, but today was the REALLY big day: James Madison College Commencement. 

Today I walked into the Wharton Center a senior, and walked out a graduate, with a Bachelor of Arts (B.A.) in Comparative Cultures and Politics. My family came to see me, the room was packed, the jazz band was sublime, I got one last glimpse of the handful of professors I remember fondly, and I got to share in this moment with all of my Madison friends, especially all my #JMCBrownBeauties buddies seated to my right.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take pictures or chat with friends after the ceremony like I did yesterday, and I'll tell you why. Now, let me be candid for a moment. Someone who wasn't supposed to be there, was there today. That person was my dad. We had a falling out back in September, and I haven't spoken to him since. All communication that's come from his end has been ignored for the past 7 months. Please understand, I don't hold a grudge against my dad, and I don't hate him. There's no malice or ill will toward him. But due to things that have happened in the past and the way our relationship has always been, I had to make a decision for myself. Some people you just have to cut loose, and back in September I came to terms with the fact that it's best for me not to interact with my dad, for my own stability and peace of mind. 

As such, he was not invited to my graduation. But he showed up anyway, uninvited. I have absolutely no idea how he found out when and where to be, but he was there. In the front row to boot. I was in the very last row of graduates, so coincidentally my dad ended up sitting right behind me, trying to get me to acknowledge him the whole time. After the ceremony ended and we new alumni proceeded out of the hall, he tried to ambush run up on me like everything was cool between us. I felt cornered and disrespected, and so I ended up shouting at him before I flew out of the building crying. So I didn't get a chance to hang around inside and speak to my friends and fellows, because I was in shock and afraid of being followed or making a scene.

Instead, I shared photo ops with my amazing family, who had traveled from Kentucky and Indiana to support me. And just when I started to feel disappointed about not being able to talk to my buddies for the last time, up walked my friend Marlee. She's in the same class as all of us but is taking an extra semester, so today she just came to support her fellow JMads. Out of all the people I missed this afternoon, I'm glad that she was the one person I was able to see. It just made perfect sense. She's such a humble, sweet, caring and supportive human being, and she was genuinely happy for everyone. Seeing her helped me forget about all the drama with my dad (who made himself scarce, thankfully). Plus, when I'd seen her in Ann Arbor on Thursday she did not look well! She's still plenty sick now, but I was relieved to see that she'd made it back to campus safely. I am so incredibly grateful that you exist, Marlee. Thank you for being the last Madison face that I had the honor and pleasure of seeing today.

And of course, a huge thank-you and many blessings to my family. It sure is wonderful to feel supported. I told my 77-year-old grandpa (see behind me to my right) that I was glad he could be there, and you know what he told me? He told me that he hadn't even thought he'd be around long enough to see this day! Glory be to God for his blessings of longevity, love, and family! Y'all kept telling me today was my day, but the way I see it, this was you all's day. All of you had a hand in getting me to this point, and I don't take it for granted. I am eternally grateful for the family I was given. God Bless all y'all!

And congratulations to errbody!! We made it!!!

(7 down, 1 to go...)

BLACK GRAD!!!

With today came the first of three graduation ceremonies I'll be attending this weekend: Black Grad!

Formally named "African American Celebratory", Black Grad is a special convocation where all graduating black students can come together and celebrate each other, in the company of our mentors, faculty members, friends, and family. Oftentimes students have a hard time adjusting to being at predominantly white institutions such as MSU, and only 56% of us manage to graduate within 6 years (this year we've bumped that up to 58%). And since the university at large won't take the time to recognize our shine unless it's convenient for them, we have to recognize ourselves as a people! Lift ourselves up, you know? So the theme of this year's Black Grad was "Spartans Will: Greater than 56", to encourage ourselves and show everybody that we made it! And that we have phenomenal potential, despite all the statistics that might indicate otherwise. 

Now of course we didn't start on time, but once things got rolling it was hype! MSU Auditorium was bursting with energy. The band was jammin, and everyone looked so well put-together and just ready to set out into the world! I was looking around, and even though I hardly knew any of the fellow graduates around me, I felt so proud of us all. And just so honored to be part of this community. So beautiful and vibrant!  I felt like I was surrounded by untapped, unfathomable, unpredictable greatness! Especially my JMC peeps and a few other folks I've gotten to know along the way.

Congrats to my fellow young, gifted, and black brothas and sistas! And a huge thank you to African American Celebratory for giving us the opportunity to have this time and space to be amongst our own. May this be just the beginning for all of us!

(6 down, 2 to go...)

 

 

Outings: Black Solidarity Reception

Black Solidarity Reception - Somewhere in Ann Arbor (7 May)

Dr. Lisa Cook, one of the most distinguished yet under-recognized professors in my department (James Madison College), invited all the black students of my department to her house this evening. Part reception to recognize graduating seniors such as my self. Part support group/strategy meeting to discuss our experiences and grievances with racism, discrimination, under-representation, disrespect, micro-aggressions, silencing, and a multitude of other racialized effed-up crap going on within our department and in the university more widely. Something is wrong y'all. And we're about to do something about it.

...But I shan't divulge our secrets. What happens in Jonas Salk's old house, stays in Jonas Salk's old house.

I will say, though, that I love black people. I love my people. I love us. Even when I'm not so sure that I fit in amongst them or have anything to offer them,  I am consistently awed and inspired by my people. We are phenomenal,  we matter, and we all we got. Looking back, I wished I would've taken more opportunities to reach out and engage with the black student community in my department. Had I known that I could've had such support, I might not have isolated myself so much. 

But enough about me. As I said,we're about to share our voices. Something is about to happen, and it won't be pretty. And it shouldn't be. Stay woke, y'all.

(5 down, 3 to go...)

Phi Beta Kappa Initiation!

Yesterday I got initiated into Phi Beta Kappa, along with about 30 other students. Some of whom I recognized from classes and other activities I've taken part in over the years. I hadn't shared the news of my nomination with very many people, which means I also didn't ask around to see who amongst my peers might be inducted along with me. So it was a pleasant surprise to see some familiar faces, like Ivy and Alexis from my JCMU days.

As with most of the ceremonies I've been going to recently, I only went because I know it's something Ma would've wanted me to do. Plus, she was very intent on attending this one, so even if I had to sit through yet another ceremony, I was just glad to have her with me and see how happy and proud she was. Besides, Phi Beta Kappa is pretty important; as much as people talk about honor societies being outdated or overrated this days, I'd still like to think that PBK initiation is more than "just another ceremony".

A huge thank you to Phi Beta Kappa for selecting me as a member! As I've said before, this is an honor that I certainly didn't expect, but which I accept with the utmost gratitude. Thanks to Ma for always holdin' it down, and for being there to support me in person yesterday. And last but not least, congratulations to all the other initiates. May the love of learning continue to be the guide of our lives!

(4 down, 4 to go...)