Notable Detroit-area jazz photographer Jeff Dunn blessed us with his presence last night, snapping photos of all of the performers who sat in on the jam session. He gave me permission to share his photos of me provided that I give him credit, so here one is! Follow the link to see the rest of them.
I did it! After putting it off for so long despite my vocal instructor trying to give me every pep talk in the world, I finally sang jazz at a jam session again!
The illustrious Scott Gwinnell (see my MDJW experience) started hosting a Sunday night jam session at the Jazz Cafe at Music Hall last week. I heard about it, was on a high from praying and singing at church today, and I felt bold enough to go so I went. Tip: earphones IN, volume UP.
This is my first time performing in five months. I always do this to myself. Before the last time it'd been two months. Before that, it'd been three months. Before that, two months. Before that, 10 months. Before that, two months. Before that, two years. What happens is I perform, and then I terrify myself out of doing it again. Ok, I did alright this time, but next time I might not be so lucky. What if next time is the time that I really mess up? Then everyone will know I'm a fraud. Ok then, so I just won't bother wasting my time because I don't want to humiliate myself and I don't want everyone to know I'm a fraud. Problem solved. But then I start to feel crappy after not singing for so long, and I've hyped the moment up in my mind so much that the first time back is overwhelmingly and unnecessarily stressful. Like tonight was.
My pole/twerk instructor Kamilah calls it the Bad Habit Monster, and I call it Carrie's mom. You know, from the '70s horror flick Carrie? With pretty much everything I care about doing or want to challenge myself with, before I can get too deep into it or share it with people there's a voice (more like a sensation, I promise I don't hear voices) that goes off in my head warning and taunting me, "They're all gonna laugh at you! They're all gonna laugh at you!" And I panic, shut down, sit down hard on whatever I've got brewing, and retreat into hiding. But I don't want to be my own Carrie's mom anymore. I got to the jam session this evening and was still nauseatingly nervous once I'd signed in, sat down, and waited my turn. And I told myself, it's absurd that anyone would laugh at me here. But even if they do laugh at me, at least I was there to hear it. At least I showed up. So even though I did my thing and it wasn't 100%, I was just proud of myself for coming through and proving myself wrong. I overcame one of my fears today, plus I met a 2016 goal ahead of schedule (one of my 3-month goals was to start performing again; I had until the end of March). That's good enough for me. For now.
One of my besties Diamond came with me as moral support and to have a good time at my expense. She calmed me down, recorded these videos, told me to sing louder next time, sat with me as we enjoyed the other performances, insisted on this bathroom selfie, and then had us go to Steak 'n Shake where she cracked me up convincing me that Gremlins and Furbies are cousins. 'Twas such a fun night thanks to her.
Thanks to Scott Gwinnell for creating space for young'uns and newbies in the jazz scene to learn and explore. Thanks to Diamond for her support and silliness. Thanks to my vocal instructor DL for patiently nudging me. Hopefully this Sunday thing will be a way for me to build confidence through consistency.
Singing at the weekly jazz jam session at New Way Bar last night in Ferndale. First time performing in over a month due to a rut that I've been in. Trying to get back. In the mean time, enjoy. :)
After having attended the "summer jazz week" program as an alto sax-playing high school sophomore back in 2009, and after my conversation with Tiffany Toriumi back in April, I decided to give the Metro Detroit Jazz Workshop another try. But this time, as my true self, a vocalist. Using my true instrument, my voice.
The rundown of the week-long workshop is the same every year. Classes and practice for eight hours everyday Monday through Friday, and a performance during the weekend for everyone to show what they've learned. For MDJW 2015 the performances are this Sunday, but yours truly has been scheduled to work that day. So I'd resigned myself and was content to just come in, take what I could get from the program, learn as much as I could, and just not perform. But then I sang a certain song during the vocal jazz workshop on Tuesday, and one of our instructors, the estimed and gracious NYC jazz singer Susan Tobocman, insisted that I come sing at her Thursday night gig at Cadieux Cafe instead. Another student was in the same predicament as me, so there'd be at least two of us students singing there that night.
Cut to last night. I sang that same song I've been working on all week, which also happens to be the first jazz song I remember listening to on purpose, and the first jazz song I ever learned to sing. Written by Gershwin, polished by the queen of jazz Ella Fitzgerald, interpreted by me on this occasion:
After I came off the stage, I got such a warm response that I hadn't even expected. It was late, I was tired and nervous, and I'd just wanted to go up there and sing the song straight and not suck (stay awake, remember the lyrics, not hit any wonky notes). But it seems that people really liked my performance. The one grown black man in the house, who was also Susan's photographer and photographs tons of jazz gigs and artists in the Detroit Metro area, came up to me and told me, "You got some chops." (This meant a lot to me because anyone who knows my people knows that we produce excellent artists, and we are not easily impressed by performers of any sort.) Then I walked toward Ma's table,
and this woman─who's incredibly loving but not the most expressive in the world─got up and met me halfway with a big goofy grin on her face and her arms
outstretched for a hug. I was able to give her a moment of happiness,
and that was the best part. But then, Susan came up to me too a little later on. She had some words of encouragement that really touched me, "You know, I'm not a very religious person, but I do believe that God gives each of us gifts. And our responsibility is that when we have a gift, we have to share it. You have to do this [keep singing and pursue it]. You have a gift." Sounded very similar to something Tiffany Toriumi had said to me when I met her.
I mention these particular exchanges not to boast, but to record these moments and so that I may be able to look back on them and feel a similar sense of validation as what I'm feeling now.
Wow. Man, was last night awesome! I just went up to sing my one little song, but the
folks at Cadieux were overwhelmingly kind and gracious. Many thank-yous
are in order! Thanks to Susan Tobocman for letting me sing at her gig
and saying such kind and encouraging words to me; thanks to Scott Gwinnell for organizing the Metro Detroit Jazz Workshop to give students like me a space to learn and develop; thanks to Tiffany Toriumi for inspiring me to try singing jazz in the first place; thanks to
Andre Thomas for the photos (see HERE) and for the advice about building rapport
with photographers and how to perform when one is present; thanks to Ms.
Yvette for showing support; thanks to Renee K. for being there as well, without you working with me all those times in
high school I probably wouldn't still be singing today; thanks to Ma
for also being there, without whom I REALLY wouldn't be singing because I
wouldn't exist, haha. And big ups to Susan, Scott, and everyone else
who went up there and made music happen tonight! Everybody showed out!
Many thanks and blessings to all of you for sharing your art. Oh and
thanks to everybody who wished me luck!
Last night was kind of my big hurrah. I haven't performed since around April, and I don't know when I'll perform again after last night. But I'm glad I had the opportunity to sing amongst some extraordinary jazz musicians and be considered one of them. I'm eternally grateful.
Last night Hilena and I recorded "Please Keep Me Company" a second time because we really wanted folks to hear and understand the lyrics. We had a great time at the open mic last week but the sound was a little wonky, so we decided to give it another go-round in a practice room. Enjoy!
Speaking of practice room, on the wall adjacent to Hilena there's a space where some paint has peeled (or been scratched) away. In the empty space someone wrote a message in pencil that I wanted to share. Music students are known for holing up in these rooms for hours or even days at a time preparing for examinations, juries, concerts, recitals, auditions, and the like. So while it was disconcerting at first to see "HELP ME" carved into another wall up near the ceiling when I first walked into the room, the words left behind by this well-wisher helped balance things out:
After the Parade of Honors, I picked up Hilena and we made our way to open mic night at The Avenue, a bar that calls itself a cafe. We had our friend Marlee come along as camerawoman. So originally, it was only supposed to be the three of us, and we hadn't thought of inviting anybody to come support.
But then I mentioned it in passing to one friend, who apparently told another, who then told another. And all of them decided amongst themselves that they were coming! So even though we technically didn't invite anyone to come, we ended up with a crew of six altogether. Isn't it awesome when friends show up even when you haven't asked or expected them to?
The event started at 9. The first three of us got there around 10, and we signed up for the next available slot, #11, to give the rest of the crew time to get there. They arrived at about 11. Once everyone was there, we passed the time talking, joking, listening to and commenting on all the acts, and drinking just a lil bit. We also made a new friend in a local poet named Erin Gray. She was friendly but tipsy, and was a little too obvious when flirting with my friend Esse (far left in the group photo). The woman plopped herself next to Esse and actually wrote a poem about Esse's beauty on her phone unbeknownst to us, and then went up and performed it when it was her turn. While Esse cringed with embarrassment, the rest of us died laughing!
The only downside was that we
didn't know we'd be there so long. Folks who were in with the host kept
getting moved ahead of us on the list, and so we actually ended up being second-to-last of the night and didn't get on stage until 12:30am. But Hilena and I were glad just to have a chance to perform at a real live music venue for the first time, so we waited patiently. We performed two songs, the videos for which are below. I'll admit, it's a little hard to hear us (plug in your earphones!). A mixture of an inattentive crowd and us not projecting enough, I think. But we
sounded great in person! I'm incredibly proud of us for trying something new
and performing at a legit open mic for the first time. And our friends seemed to really enjoy it, so we were glad to have repaid them for their patience through song.
At one point Marlee turned to me and said, "Thanks for inviting me. I feel like a young person! You know, out
here, doing what young people do." (She's younger than both Hilena and I, mind you.) But I understand what she means, as I normally don't have that much of a life either, haha. I'm glad that all of us were able to come together and have a good time. Thanks to Marlee for recording, and to Christen, Jo, and Salem for coming to show support! We appreciate you with all of our hearts!
First song is "Spotless Mind" by Jhené Aiko. Enjoy!
Second song is an original by us (written by me, arranged by the both of us), entitled "Please Keep Me Company". Enjoy x2!
Had been anticipating performing at open mic last night again for the past week. But then started feeling crummy about my voice, myself and life in general, and wasn't in the mood for singing yesterday. Decided I wasn't gonna do it. But then remembered that when I'd woken up in the morning there was a cardinal sitting on a branch outside my window, and since this is one of my good luck signs (something good always happens after I see one), I felt like I had to do it. Plus, needed the practice performing again to build up experience and confidence. So I did it. And... it wasn't so great. Don't like the way I sounded. Certainly don't like how I look on camera this time.
But I went through with it, even despite not feeling up to it. So for that alone I'll give myself some credit. Even if last night wasn't my most shining moment, at least I went for it.
The first is a song called "Louisville", named after the city that Ma and her family are from. It's a place that's close to my heart, so I wrote a song about it. A silly song with a few hiccups.
The second is part of a song called "上を向いて歩こう" (Ue o Muite Arukou), which came out in the 1960s and is sung by Sakamoto Kyuu. The writer of the song penned the lyrics expressing how dejected he felt when protests failed to prevent the passing of the Treaty of Mutual Cooperation and Security between the United States and Japan (a.k.a. the reason why US military and political presence remains in Japan even though the occupation ended 50 years ago). The song is often recognized more as a love song than a political song, but nonetheless it has the inspirational message of moving forward amidst adversity ("look up so the tears won't fall"). It also performed extremely well on the Billboard Hot 100 charts (reaching #1 when it was released in the States), and has sold over 13 million copies around the world. I learned of the song in my 200-level Japanese class freshman year, where my professor played us a video of a 2011 remake/mashup of the song that Japanese artists and locals made to encourage victims of the 2010 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami.
Thanks to Shay for recording and Irene for being there to show support!
And don't forget to like me and Hilena's pages for First of February (FB / YouTube)! More vids to come from (featuring BOTH of us) in the future!
Last night was a phenomenal night for me! I conquered one of my fears and sang two of my original songs at open mic night on my university's campus!
The first is a song called "Stay at Home and Sing", which I wrote while in Paris this past summer when I would sometimes get bored with the monotony of going to work and sitting in an office all day, everyday.
The second is an abbreviated version of my song "Up All Night". I wrote this one last school year when I was up late one night doing tedious school work and wondering about where my life was heading.
It may not be perfect, but it's a start. And I'm really proud of myself for going up there and sharing a bit of my work even though I was scared to. Thanks to my buddies Jo, Christen, Shay, and Dan who were there to show their support. Enjoy!
And don't forget to like me and Hilena's pages for First of February (FB / YouTube)! More vids to come from us in the future!
Tonight (Friday night) was our first stage performance, and it was a success! Hilena and I were singin', our friend Irene (Ivy) was playin', and all of us had a great time. Looked good while doing it too, as you can see.
For me, this occasion was extra special because my mom and my aunt from Indiana came to watch and support us. In fact, you have Ma to thank for recording the video below. Thanks, Ma!
First of February + Irene Li + MSU Grammys = So much fun! I'm blessed to be able to perform with such beautiful people! Awesome job, y'all! FoF originally formed to prepare for this event, and it's amazing to see how it all came together. I am so proud of us!
First of February will be performing in the MSU Grammys THIS FRIDAY, APRIL 4TH! This is for real, not an April Fool's joke! We're not playing with y'all! Come check us out and enjoy some great talent!
So I forgot to mention this before, but... First of February made it into the MSU Grammys! Each act performs as an already-established artist or group, and we'll be performing as "Floetry". The show is on Friday April 4th at MSU Business College. For now, here's a sneak peek of what we're working on.
We recently auditioned for a talent show with this song, and we made it into the show! But we weren't able to record ourselves at the time, so we've done it for you now. Enjoy!
I said I'd tell y'all about the new band I'm in soon, and now's the time.
Everybody meet Hilena! She's the beautiful person next to me in this photo, and she's the other member of our band. I sing. She sings and plays the guitar. And we make some pretty cool sounds together. Our band duo is called First of February (or First of Feb, or FoF).
First of Feb in the house! Or rather, on the bus. With an onlooker.
I have a lot to share about how we met and became friends, and how we ended up joining musical forces. But for now I'll just explain our band name. "First of February" may seem simple and random, but it actually took us over an hour trying to come up with it and it has a lot of meaning. February 1st is the date that we got together (literally, we just formed this past Saturday). February is the second month of the year, and there are two of us. February is also Black History Month, and we are both brown-skinned young women of African descent. And February is also the month of love, which is fitting since both Hilena and I are sentimental people in our own ways. So whether people get it or not when we introduce ourselves, we love our name and it is important to us.
We originally formed in order to audition for an upcoming student-run talent show, so tonight we did our first audition/performance as First of February. We sang "What's Up?" by 4 Non Blondes. Considering how much we've rehearsed this song, our performance tonight admittedly wasn't the best that we've done. However, it still went really well and we received great responses from the group that auditioned us. And even if we don't make it into the show, I'm just so incredibly happy because our band finally feels real now that we've performed for people. Hilena and I have both wanted to be in a band for a long time, and this was my first time singing in front of people since around October. So to be able to come together and finally share our gifts with others as a team.... it's indescribable how good I feel right now. I'm on such a high, and it's more than catharsis. Perhaps this is what joy feels like?
That's us for you in a nutshell. Stay tuned for future awesomeness! I'm so excited!
After the Parade of Honors, I picked up Hilena and we made our way to open mic night at The Avenue, a bar that calls itself a cafe. We had our friend Marlee come along as camerawoman. So originally, it was only supposed to be the three of us, and we hadn't thought of inviting anybody to come support.
The event started at 9. The first three of us got there around 10, and we signed up for the next available slot, #11, to give the rest of the crew time to get there. They arrived at about 11. Once everyone was there, we passed the time talking, joking, listening to and commenting on all the acts, and drinking just a lil bit. We also made a new friend in a local poet named Erin Gray. She was friendly but tipsy, and was a little too obvious when flirting with my friend Esse (far left in the group photo). The woman plopped herself next to Esse and actually wrote a poem about Esse's beauty on her phone unbeknownst to us, and then went up and performed it when it was her turn. While Esse cringed with embarrassment, the rest of us died laughing!
The only downside was that we
didn't know we'd be there so long. Folks who were in with the host kept
getting moved ahead of us on the list, and so we actually ended up being second-to-last of the night and didn't get on stage until 12:30am. But Hilena and I were glad just to have a chance to perform at a real live music venue for the first time, so we waited patiently. We performed two songs, the videos for which are below. I'll admit, it's a little hard to hear us (plug in your earphones!). A mixture of an inattentive crowd and us not projecting enough, I think. But we
sounded great in person! I'm incredibly proud of us for trying something new
and performing at a legit open mic for the first time. And our friends seemed to really enjoy it, so we were glad to have repaid them for their patience through song. 
Tonight (Friday night) was our first stage performance, and it was a success! Hilena and I were singin', our friend Irene (Ivy) was playin', and all of us had a great time. Looked good while doing it too, as you can see. 
