Bike Victories and Yummy Things (NacNaw, Saturday 7/2)

Despite sitting in a bath and using my inhaler before bed Friday night, I woke up stiff, sore in most of the same places as before, and wheezy. But we'd already planned to bike Mackinac Island today and I hate to not stick to a set schedule, so back to the island we went! From breakfast at the hotel, Ma and I drove to Shepler's again with our bikes in tow, and we bought passes for them ($10 each) before boarding.

One thing I forgot to mention is that one of the biggest surprises for me since arriving on Friday was observing the substantial amount of Caribbean people working in Mackinaw City, on the ferries, and on Mackinac Island. Truth be told, I was anxious about whether going to northern Michigan would be safe for Ma and I as single black women, since I wasn't sure how homogeneously white the area would be, and since it was 4th of July weekend during this trifling election year, I worried about how aggressive or militant people's patriotism (and thus racism fueled by "patriotism") might be. Turns out that yes, the area certainly isn't the most melanated place on Earth, but it's also super chill. At the very least, people are friendly in that contrived "let's be on our best behavior and not cause trouble for each other" type of way. Like how folks are at Disney World. And there were all kinds of people of color visiting. Mostly Indian/South Asian and East Asian people, a handful of Latino people, a smattering of Black folk. It was a delight for Ma and I to see at least a few of us wherever we went. But for our Caribbean brothers and sisters, I'm curious as to how and why they ended up working in northern Michigan of all places. Need to do research on this later.

I'd wanted to go around the opposite way from Friday to get a different perspective of the island, so after arriving and getting situated we set out at around 11:50am. We made it all the way in about two hours, taking our time and only making two stops to rest and intermittent pauses for photos. I was overwhelmingly proud of both of us, especially Ma. She's not the most active or outdoorsy person, and she's not the most open to trying new things, but in the right situation and with the right encouragement, she really steps up and does her best to push her boundaries (I think we're somewhat alike in this way). Just like walking up Hyde Street in San Francisco, just like attempting to walk the island with me Friday and managing to walk back on her own, today she stuck with it and she rocked it! Hadn't been on a bike in about a decade, and she breezed along with me like it was nothing! I was so impressed!

Our next stop was lunch at Pink Pony, which is a restaurant attached to Chippewa Hotel. I picked it because it has a fun name and the online reviews were very enthusiastic. I ordered the tomato bisque, whitefish tacos, and their Famous Rum Runner (a frozen drink composed of rum mixed with a whole bunch of sweet stuff )! It made me feel a little drowsy as all alcohol does, but it was perfection. Perhaps I'm a rum person; I only seem to thoroughly enjoy Long Islands or mixed drinks that resemble them in taste.The restaurant sits right on the waterfront and has four seating areas that are each decorated differently. We got to sit in the dining room with a spectacular view of Haldimand Bay.

From there we trekked up the hill of Cadotte Street to the famed Grand Hotel. Our attention was to visit its front porch, since it's known as the longest in the world. But for some reason they weren't allowing non-guests to enter the inner premises unless they paid money. I wasn't sure if that was how it usually worked or if there was some special occasion going on that they wanted to keep the peasants away from. (I've since looked it up, and charging $10 per person for non-guests to enter the premises is indeed the Grand Hotel's policy. People have figured out ways to get around it, but it wasn't that serious for us so we left after seeing the parts we could see from where we stood). Off-limits or not, it's still a splendid building.

Back downhill on Main Street, we perused the shops for some must-haves. Ma wanted a T-shirt and some popcorn. I hadn't been interested in purchasing any souvenirs, but then I saw something in a Mackinac Mud Pottery that I found to be very clever being the 90s baby I am, so I bought it. I'll reveal what it is later. And it's almost impossible for some people to mention Mackinac Island without also mentioning fudge in the same breath. However, neither Ma nor I enjoy eating chocolate that much, so at first we weren't going to buy any. But then I remembered how the shuttle driver from Friday night recommended Ryba's as the best fudge on the island, and since we kept passing all three of Ryba's signature soft pink shops on Main Street, we gave in. Ma got her popcorn and some chocolate peanut clusters, and I got cashew turtles.

After riding the ferry back to Mackinaw City and dropping our wares off to the hotel, we had dinner at another one of the shuttle driver's recommendations. Darrow's Family Restaurant was right across the street from the hotel kitty-corner to Pastie & Cookie Co., and I hadn't thought much of it when I'd seen it before. Like most family restaurants, it has no frills or pretenses, and the menu items are deceivingly simple on paper and at first glance. But don't be fooled, the quality is excellent! No wonder there was a line out the door when we first showed up. Ma chose some sort of fried chicken dinner and I opted for the Mackinaw-style smothered chicken. They also have an extensive pie menu, but like chocolate I guess I grew out of enjoying that as much as I used to, so I passed. Plus we already had so many other snacks to enjoy! Back in the hotel room I caught the last 40 minutes of 'Suffragette' on HBO and nibbled on some popcorn and a couple turtles while Ma passed out.

NacNaw photos

A Comprise and an 8-Mile Walk (NacNaw, Friday 7/1)

In the interest of thinking about happier things and seizing the opportunity while my notes and what I actually remember are still on one accord, for the next few days I'll be writing about my recent vacation. During the long 4th of July weekend, Ma and I went on vacation "up north". Mackinaw City, Mackinac Island, Traverse City, the U.P. In that order. Ma's idea. For the longest time this year we couldn't agree on where to go or what to do there, until one day I had to drag out of Ma that she's actually always wanted to go to Mackinac Island. And I figured, Alright let's do this. Sounds dull to me, but if that'll get her interested and engaged in this trip, then let's go. And wouldn't you know it, I probably had more fun up there than she did. More on that later. For now, let's start with Day 1.

We arrived in Mackinaw (pronounced just like it's spelled) City early in the afternoon and checked into our hotel, the Holiday Inn Express. After dropping our bags off we walked across the street to Mackinaw Pastie and Cookie Co. for a quick lunch. It was aight. If you're in that part of town, need food in your stomach quickly, and want to eat a pasty (pronounced "past-y", not "paste-y") just for the sake of saying you've sampled this traditional northern Michigan staple, then go here. If you're a purist who wants "the real deal", whatever that is, you should probably go somewhere else.

The hotel receptionist had given us a map of the city and recommended Shepler's as the best way to get to and from Mackinac (pronounced just like Mackinaw) Island. So from lunch we walked through the downtown area to Shepler's Ferry, where we purchased two-day round trip passes for $41 each. You'll find that Shepler's is very much about efficiency and convenience, with boats leaving from the city and the island every 15-30 minutes depending on the time of day. The boat that Ma and I boarded and went way faster than we'd anticipated; the ride was so much fun! Flying by Mackinaw Bridge, with the boat bobbing as wind and sea spray slap you in the face; it was like being on a water ride at an amusement park! We made it to the Mackinac Island in 15 minutes or so.

For for the first day we just wanted to see and get acquainted with the island, so we'd planned to walk around the whole thing by following America's only car-free state highway, M-185. This was the best but not the brightest idea, which I'll explain shortly. Let me say first that I was somewhat put-off when we stepped onto Main Street and looked around because, well. I have this thing where places that are too clean, too quiet, too organized, just too perfect, make me nervous. For some reason those places don't feel real to me, and they give me great unease. Mackinac Island is one of those frighteningly "perfect" places. But I had to remind myself that, Hey, we're here on vacation, let's keep it moving. We walked down one way and stared at Marquette Park for a bit before getting a map from the visitors center, buying some water at Doud's Market to sustain us, and setting off on what was supposed to be our 8-mile adventure at around 5:30pm.

We didn't cover much ground within the first two hours because we were walking leisurely admiring our surroundings, and then we had an approximately 20-minute stop where Ma waited for me while I climbed up the 207 steps to see Arch Rock and nearly lost my mind at the magnificent view of Lake Huron from up there. By the time we began walking in earnest, it was already 7pm and we'd only reached mile 2. Ma insisted on turning around, which ended up being for the best. I don't know what I was on, but somehow I took her misgivings as a personal challenge to me. I thought that by saying "we" wouldn't make it around before the last boat left the island, she was underestimating me personally, and I was determined to prove her wrong. So in a huff I told her "Bye" and kept going.

And it did my soul so much good! Once you get past the areas with heavy traffic, it's just you, the road, the rocks and sand of the beach, the water, and the sun. The forest hiding dozens of towering homes on one side of you, and the clearest, bluest of blue waves of Lake Huron on the other. Some of the most stunning sights that I've ever seen. You could easily find a quiet spot to sit and stare out at the lake, be alone with God and your thoughts as people pass by on their bicycles. Of course nature was just doing what it does and I just happened to be there, but I derived so much peace from simply looking around and listening to the waves as I journeyed on. With a few stops to rest, one holdup where I was put in my place by a father goose who thought I was getting too close to his flock during feeding time, and slowing down from fatigue toward the end, I made it back to the ferry shortly after 9:30. Basically I did 8 miles in about 4 hours, though it felt a lot longer than that while I was in the act.

Seriously, though. As beautiful as everything was, I have to make this clear. That was the absolute longest walk of my life. When I was done, everything hurt. The soles of my feet, my lower back, my right hip, the backs of my calves and my knees, and my head were talking to me the most. But I regretted nothing. Just make sure you have some endurance and a good pair of walking or running shoes (mine failed me, so I know) before you try walking the island as opposed to biking it. Do some stretches or something beforehand.


Ma had been waiting for me that whole time, and we caught a boat back to the island together. From Shepler's we rode a shuttle back to the hotel, which was driven by an energetic older husband and wife team (he drives, she keeps him company) from Ohio. They'd visited Mackinac/Mackinaw so often over the years and came to love it so much that they decided to move there, and now they spend their working hours welcoming people to the area and sharing their enthusiasm with their passengers. It was more engaging than your typical shuttle ride, that's for sure. I only wish I would've remembered their names. Since neither Ma nor I had eaten in hours, once at the hotel we hopped in the car to head back downtown for some food. Oreilly's Irish Pub was one of the few establishments still open at that time, which was around 10:30pm. Google told me that the place closed at 2am, but didn't tell me that the kitchen actually closed at 11pm. So we arrived just in time to sit and rush to order something. Ma got a burger and I got their poutine topped with pulled pork. I haven't tried la poutine québécoise yet so I'm not sure that what I had measured up to the original, but it was delicious. Fries, gravy, little cheese curds, and pulled pork with a glass of ginger ale make such a satisfyingly unhealthy combination at night on a long-empty stomach!

 




NacNaw photos

What to Do When Your Dog Dies in the Middle of the Night

I hope this is helpful.

1) Call a vet.

Doesn't have to be your vet. Call any veterinary facility that happens to be open at that time. Tell them that you don't know what to do, and ask them who you should call and what you should do with the body. I called Oakland Veterinary Referral Services, a 24-hour animal hospital near me, and the kind woman who answered the phone offered to arrange cremation services for me. But then I would've had to transport Madison's body there all by myself (I could take a sick day but on this particular day Ma couldn't), and there was no way I was touching that body, much less moving it. So I thanked her kindly, hung up the phone, did some quick research and opted to contact a local pet cremation service directly.

2) Call that auntie (you know which one) and ask her to pray for you. 

I called my Aunt Fay and she prayed with me over the phone. Didn't fuss at me about how early or late it was either.

3) Sit. Wait. Cry.

It was still only 5:30am by the time I'd made those first calls, so all I could do was sit on the couch adjacent to Madison's body and wait. I had to wait until 8am to call the cremation service. Ma had to wait until 9am to inform our vet (which she didn't end up doing until the next day anyway). And I knew my supervisor didn't usually make it to work until 9:30am, so as a courtesy I waited until 9am to call and tell him that I needed to not be there today.

4) Take a shower and put on clean clothes.

Especially if you're the self-neglecting type when you get really stressed out or bogged down. Give yourself a chance to have some sort of fresh start today.

5) Make a few more phone calls.

See the the aforementioned under 3).

6) Sit. Wait. Cry some more.

Sit on the couch and watch TV, scroll through Facebook, watch YouTube videos. Cry. Make some tea and pick up a book. Cry. Get one of the lawn chairs from the basement, sit outside on the front porch with your book and your phone and your tea. Cry. Look at creation. Cry. Listen to birds chirping and children playing. Cry. Just try to avoid sulking, you already know you're good at that and you don't need to revisit that right now.

7) Let cremation services do what they do.

Drivers from Faithful Companion pulled up at around 9:45am. Two very patient men. They asked me my preferences, explained that my dog would be treated with the utmost dignity, efficiency and care, explained when and how I would get her remains back. Took my credit card info, gave me my receipt, gently lifted and lowered Madison and all her blankets into a lined cardboard box just her size. (I couldn't bring myself to touch the medium-sized mass of blankets to bid farewell, but I watched them put her in the box because I felt I needed to. You might not, though. Her nose, tail, and hind paws peeked out from under her covering and I remarked silently how unnaturally still she was.) They expressed their condolences, carried her out, loaded her in the back of the car, and drove away. (I watched all of this too).

8) Cry.

Because you saw the car drive away and finally realized that you're never going to see your dog again. Call your mom to update her. Think and talk about how you don't want to feel feelings right now. Feel them anyway. Cry.

9) Cope.

Do a few things that make you feel somewhat normal. Me personally, I made announcements on Facebook and Instagram so my friends and loved ones could be informed. Then I sat down to write a eulogy and this post. Then I tried to take a break from crying because my head was killing me and I didn't want to make myself sick. (Cry too hard, head hurts too much, headache triggers nausea, nausea and headache intensify at the same time until it's nearly unbearable, vomit only once hopefully, fall asleep and feel better. That's usually how my body reacts when I'm extremely and uncontrollably upset. Wasn't trying to go through all that today.) Ate some toast and a peach. Drank more tea. Went to Panera for soup and quiet reading time, which inadvertently turned into quiet crying time so I left. Came back home.

10) Go to the movies.

Or do anything else seemingly incongruent with the time at hand to take your mind off of things. I went with Ma to see The Secret Life of Pets, which I'd at first preemptively decided not to see because I knew that there was an elderly basset hound character in that film who used wheels for hind legs. I hadn't wanted to see that and feel sad about Madison, my own basset hound, aging. But Madison's not aging anymore, so. Might as well. It was just aight.

11) Next day: go back to work.
Take a shower, maybe cry while you're in there. Then go. Engage with as many or as few people as you can handle. If you're not the office social butterfly anyway, then this may not even be a problem. No one knew about what happened besides my supervisor, my supervisor's boss, and a former high school classmate who also works at my office. Ma told me to use the work as a distraction, which I did. I managed to cry only one time, after said former classmate presented me with a token of condolences from her and her mom.

12) Call your vet and try to get some answers.
Or have someone else do it. Ma called me while I was at work to let me know she spoke to the staff members who were working over the July 4th weekend (might be worth noting that she didn't tell them that Madison had died). Apparently Madison was her usual self all weekend, was picky about when she decided to eat but hadn't in fact gone all weekend without eating. Going by what they said, her health probably deteriorated rapidly between Monday and Wednesday.

13) Go home.
Thank the Lord for the weekend and only having to put up a front for one day so far. Maybe start thinking about your dog again and dread going home because you know that no one will be there tripping over themselves to greet you at the door. Maybe cry.

 14) Clean. Wait. Cry.
Clear off one of the side tables in the living room in order to set up a simple memorial for your dog. Cry. Wait for cremation services to deliver the urn with her remains in it (or "cremains", learned a new word today). Take the urn, thank the nice people, set it in the middle of that table. Sit in front of the table, stare at the urn and the photos of your dog that you set up. Cry. Hold the urn in your arms. Cry. Put the urn back. Get up from the floor and try to do something else with your evening.

For anyone who's curious, Faithful Companion charged me $285 for private cremation of my dog. A hard plastic urn was included in this option, but I wanted to do better by Madison than that, so I ordered a gold-painted metal (steel? brass?) urn and had it engraved. That cost another $130 (no additional cost for engraving), which was actually one of the cheaper urn options. So to have my dog's body picked up, cremated, and have her remains returned to me in a nice but simple urn within 36 hours, it cost me $415. Which, if you're familiar with buying dog food or paying vet bills, isn't absurd. Way less expensive than I'd thought it would be, anyway. I would also like to add that everyone from FC with whom I spoke on the phone or encountered in person was exceptionally kind, informative, and gracious.

15) Call it a night.
Take advantage of whatever kindness that your loved ones offer. In this case, Ma uncharacteristically let me lay on her bed with her while watching a documentary that we both fell asleep on fairly quickly. Before you fall asleep, remind yourself that you did all you could. You did all you could. You did all you could. And you and your dog gave each other a really great life.

Eulogy for an Old Dog

Yesterday, sometime between midnight and 4am, I lost my oldest friend.

My dog died.

Favorite recent picture of her

Last Thursday, Ma dropped Madison off at the vet for boarding and she was as fine as could be considering her age. Not moving quite as fast as she used to, a little hard of hearing, recently acquired minor ear and eye infections that were on the mend. Friday to Tuesday we were on vacation up north. This Wednesday Ma brought Madison home, and she looked terrible. Incredibly weak, obviously had lost a significant amount of weight, ear infection still going, eye infection so bad that I had to keep gently fishing goop out of her eyelids in between administering eye drops, not eating or even drinking water, breathing really hard through her nose, refusing (or unable?) to even open her mouth. But she still insisted on moving around, though her balance was unsteady and she progressed at a snail's pace. By nightfall she still wasn't eating or drinking despite numerous attempts. At this point she couldn't even move around; she'd try to get up but her back legs wouldn't follow her front's lead, so every effort to stand up resulted in her falling over. On top of all that she was sighing, groaning, whimpering, and even slightly yelping throughout the night. Out of pain and discomfort undoubtedly, but also probably out of frustration at wanting to move but not being able to.

I did my best to slide a pillow and a couple blankets under her, hoping that this would comfort her enough to get her to rest and then I'd see about taking additional measures in the morning. I laid down on the couch that she'd settled behind so I could be close by, and she was still vocalizing her pain and discomfort when I fell asleep. I woke up to pee at round 4 in the morning, and I noticed she was silent. And still. And not breathing. I waited for Ma to get up for work to confirm it, and then she laid a blanket over Madison and I made all the calls I needed to make. Pet cremation services came later that morning to take her away.

Our last pic together

I'm realizing now that a lot of things have happened in the past week that were preparing me to let her go, though I hadn't known it. Last Tuesday June 28th was her 13th birthday. I gave her love rubs all over and fed her a special doggie bagel, and was just so delighted that we'd been able to spend more years together than I'd ever imagined. I was grateful. During a meeting this Wednesday the 6th, as a team-building exercise my department had compiled photos and descriptions for each person's pet or favorite animal and made a game of matching the co-worker to the animal. I relished sitting as someone read my submission aloud, while I silently read the presentation slide and the hard copy in front of me, beaming internally as everyone "aww"ed at my dog's cuteness. I was proud. Later that evening when I came home, I was shocked and confounded as to why Madison had been returned to us in the condition that she was in. I wondered hotly, if the staff at the vet's office noticed what bad shape she was in, why didn't they keep her for treatment instead of sending her home? But then I remembered that I'd absentmindedly forgotten to bid her my usual pre-boarding "see you later" before Ma had dropped her off. The way things worked out, Madison got to pass at home with me instead of alone at the vet. And while I didn't get to witness her last breath or say goodbye, I was able to look after her during the majority of her last few hours of life. Besides, whether someone there dropped the ball or not, she's not coming back. I won't dwell on it. Given how long she lived, it was probably just her time to go.

Additionally, the night of this Tuesday the 5th I read a Bible passage that proved eerily pertinent to what happened yesterday morning. I was reading in 2 Samuel 12 about how David dealt with the death of his lovechild with Bathsheba. The child fell ill, and for a week he spent day in and day out on the ground weeping, pleading with God, and fasting.The child died, and immediately after David found out, he got up, cleaned himself up, and worshipped the Lord. When his servants asked him why the sudden change, he replied (I'm paraphrasing greatly here), "I did what I could, but the child is gone. I know that I'll meet him again, and I recognize that God is sovereign. So for now, I'll just praise Him and do what I can to move forward" (2 Samuel 12:15-23). I read that story and felt convicted, writing in my notes to myself, Will you worship even when God takes away?

And then in the wee hours of the next night, Madison left me for good.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. In all things, God is good. That's what I told myself as I sat with her Wednesday evening, and that's what I'm telling myself now. I'm thankful to be able to say that though I am saddened and hurting beyond what words can express, there is no bitterness in my heart in regard to her absence.

Last pic of her, hours before she died

I know it may seem silly to be this upset over a dog, but you have to understand. I've had Madison from age 10 to age 23. Imagine who you were fresh out of 4th grade versus who you were fresh out of college. Then imagine having the same best friend that whole time during all those changes, always ecstatic to see you, always by your side, never letting you out of her sight. Someone who made you feel like you were worth having around. All she wanted in return was food, space outside to roam around and sunbathe, and cuddles. And then imagine that best friend suddenly not being around anymore, and you never get to see her again. Madison came into my life at a time where, despite my young age, I was going through a lot and didn't want to live anymore. And she made everything better just by being there. Even in her old age when she was snoozing most of the time and farting like it was her job, her presence was a great source of comfort and reassurance to me. She taught me what it means to be openhearted. She taught me what unwavering trust is. She taught me that love and loyalty are an old dog.

So in closing, I'll write what I've already written elsewhere. Y'all, please pray for me. To my sweet old lady pup, thank you for letting me be your person for so long. I love you, mama. Rest in peace.

(Madison. 28 June 2003 - 7 July 2016.)

"What Would Dory Do?" - Finding Dory

Going to see this movie was my first time viewing a film before its official release date. Friday is the official release day for most films, but oftentimes a few showings will be available the Thursday evening before. And as early as 6pm, not just at midnight. Such was the case for Finding Dory, and since I'd been waiting 13 years for this sequel, I figured why wait an extra day if I don't have to? Luckily fmost of the people in the cinema with me were ages 13-50, so even with it being a kids' film there were no rambunctious little ones to distract from the fun!

Seen Thursday, June 16th: Finding Dory

One year after the end of Finding Nemo, the regal blue tang named Dory begins to remember the parents whom she got separated from as a guppie. Even given her short-term memory loss, she is able to recall enough details to go searching for them─which takes her and her clownfish friends Marlon and Nemo far from their home in the Great Barrier Reef all the way to a marine wildlife center in California. The trio gets split up, but thanks to a few new friends, they might be able to not only reunite with each other but also find Dory's family.

"An unforgettable journey she probably won't remember"

What I really like about this film: The characters at the marine wildlife center are the best! I'm a sucker for character development and Disney/Pixar really did their work with this one. A grouchy rogue octopus who's determined to get transferred to an aquarium in Cleveland? A hypochondriac beluga whale? A nearsighted whale shark? A pair of Australian sea lions (Idris Elba!) who refuse to share space on their resting rock with their mentally challenged fellow? AND a ragamuffin seabird named Becky? They're all just too good! I laughed until my head hurt and I could barely breathe.

Dory's memory problems are perceived as a weakness, but it turns out that she is able to survive, go on amazing journeys, and positively influence the animals around her precisely because of who she is, not in spite of who she is. I'd like to hope that this sends an encouraging message to special needs children and their parents especially, since her parents are often shown in flashback scenes painstakingly coaching her so that she won't wander too far and get lost. And even though this happens anyway, Dory is able to adapt beyond anyone's expectations, even her own.

What I don't like about this film: Absolutely nothing! I wouldn't say it's better than the first film, but it's definitely a sequel that's worthy of its predecessor.

Would I recommend it?: Of course! If you are a '90s baby in particular, you owe it to your inner child to go see this film. No one can appreciate the significance of this sequel like we can. Laugh, cry, reminisce, I don't care. Just go see it!

Things People Give Me #26

Turns out paying it forward is rewarded sometimes.

I've been kinda neglecting myself this week and haven't been taking food to work with me the past three days. Been waking up feeling like I just want to get up and get out, so I go to work unbothered, resolving to tap away all day at that computer and not be fazed by any hunger that surfaces until it's time to go home. I've done it before, so I wasn't expecting this week to be any different. Oh, but it was! On Tuesday one department had a lunch meeting and another department had an in-office party, and both had food left over, so I ended up with two full meals on someone else's dime. Then yesterday, in return for making a work-related connection for some people I was handed a Panera gift card and told, "Have lunch on me today". And then today, one of those people gave me a small package of gratitude from their mom. A card, a brownie, a lottery ticket, and a penny to scratch it with. 

What a surprise, it was free food all around for me this week!  I'm not so adept at asking for things, but if it's offered I will gladly take it. Thanks to Barb, Jess, Mrs. L, and my overly-prepared co-workers. I was being lazy and stubborn but still ended up fed thanks to y'all!

BOOKS! (The Four Agreements)

This was one of eight books that I recently bought at a local library book sale. I only paid $1 for it, and after having read it I think that that was an appropriate price. I don't know. Despite the genre's intended purpose, I guess the cynic in me is always skeptical when people rave about self-help books changing their lives. I'm more likely to be moved and challenged by fiction than self-help, but that's just me. And I'd heard so much about how transformative and revolutionary and blahdeblah this book was, that it got to a point where when I spotted it at the book sale, Meh. Might as well get this one out of the way was all the enthusiasm I could muster. Suffice it to say that I was not greatly impressed. Being introduced to ancient Toltec wisdom originating out of southern Mexico sounds absolutely fascinating, but perhaps the hype ruined this one for me.

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz

As Don Miguel Ruiz explains it, an agreement is a belief that you accept as true. Once an idea is presented to you and you believe it, you agree with it and to it. You make an agreement, or a mentally and emotionally binding contract with that idea and its source. The problem is, however, that people make too many bad agreements that hold them down. As children, certain agreements are forced on us before we've had the opportunity to consider otherwise, and as adults we continuously fall into the trap of aligning ourselves with ideas that do not serve us. Don Miguel Ruiz assures readers that we can break those bad agreements and form new ones through the power of our minds, of words, and of love in action. That's where "the four agreements" come in.

Now. I'm all for when Indigenous voices are heard and heeded. I'm all for when Indigenous wisdom and beliefs are propagated for enlightenment as opposed to dilution and thoughtless consumption. But I just don't understand the hype about this particular book. Ruiz has a lot of useful and worthwhile ideas, but I've heard a lot of them before. I feel like if you have a measure of common sense and have had some decent moral upbringing or instruction (both of which are relative, I know), then most of what Ruiz writes is nothing new. Take each of the agreements, for example:

Be impeccable with your word (say what you mean, mean what you say, and  use your words for good in a way that uplifts rather than injures).

Don't take anything personally (what someone thinks of you is none of your business, and as long as you don't consume the negativity that people give you and spread it around, it won't affect you).

Don't make assumptions (communication brings understanding, so don't claim to know what's in other people's minds and don't expect them to read yours).

Always do your best (be disciplined about doing what you need to do in order to be fulfilled, but don't beat yourself up about whether your best is the best or not). 

Not too many novel ideas, if you ask me. However, I also know that no matter how often people hear the same thing over and over from others, sometimes it has no effect until they hear it from a certain individual, in a certain context, put a certain way. Then it suddenly makes all the sense in the world and seems easily applicable. What's old news to me may be revelatory to others.

With that said, I think that The Four Agreements' major appeal lies in its delivery. Ruiz's assessment of society and human interactions as they are currently is grim, yet he's exceedingly optimistic and certain about the alternatives. Maybe you've heard it all before but you've never thought much about "energies" or the power of your own words. Maybe you've never considered that love can exist everywhere, starting with yourself. Or the prayers! Now I did especially enjoy the prayers for love and freedom that Ruiz ends the book with, as they speak to real needs that people are suffering from right now. So that's something, at least. Basically, The Four Agreements has its merit, but I'm not sure it's worth the hype. I'm sure that anyone could draw relevant points and inspiration from it, but don't expect it to be your crystal ball or anything. 

Favorite quotes:

"Imagine that every single time others gossip to you, they insert a computer virus into your mind, causing you to think a little less clearly every time. Then imagine that in an effort to clean up your own confusion and get some relief from the poison, you gossip and spread these viruses to someone else... The result is a world full of humans who can only read information through circuits that are clogged with a poisonous, contagious virus... the chaos of a thousand different voices all trying to talk at once in the mind" (41). 

"I love you just the way you are, and because I am your creation, I love myself just the way I am. Help me to keep the love and the peace in my heart and to make that love a new way of life, that I may live in love the rest of my life. Amen" (138).