Friday, January 31, 2014

Sessions with Sue 6

Today we talked about being alone and developing new habits. I spend the vast majority of my time alone. Other than when I go to class/meetings, run errands, and do a few other weekly activities, I don't spend that much time around other people.  There are many reasons for this habitual isolation, and I'll only mention a few here. Part of it is that I prioritize the tasks at hand over everything else; schooldevoursmylife because Ihavesomanythingstodo. Part of it is that I'm intimidated by the pressure and uncertainty that comes with dealing with people. And part of it is that I can use my time the way I want to when I'm the only one I have to think about. So basically, I have a lot of excuses.

I tend to avoid situations where I have to interact with people (especially new people) for too long. And while this is safe and comfortable at a surface level, it is also incredibly restricting and, of course, lonely. In my head, in my room, in my solitude... I've created a high-security comfort zone, with room for only 1, that doubles as a prison from time to time. Sue and I have been having great conversations about what I need to try doing, but I haven't made enough of an effort to put those things into practice. So these are some of the points that came up in regard to that:
  • Your emotions override your logic sometimes.
  • It seems safe, but it actually hurts you to spend so much time alone and away from people.
  • You're building this idea of how the world is that's really unhealthy, and it's made you terrified of having to be alone for the rest of your life
  • You need practice getting to know people; every week you need to go out and do things that take you out of your own head and help you learn what it is to connect with people again.
  • Find reasons to get out of your room! It's not a waste of time!
  • As much time as you devote to your schoolwork, you need to spend as much time on "therapy work". You're determined to do well, but you also need to be determined to feel better.
  • Getting discouraged so easily keeps you from trying, and trying again. You need to build up that emotional muscle to be able to withstand and push through disappointment.
  • You have too much to offer to be keeping yourself away from the world like you do.

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