Talking with Yasmin 7

My notes from last Monday, our last session of the year. Posting this before I forget.

•  Things I think about when I'm lying awake at night:
• Always being alone, not having a future, always being fat (never becoming pretty), being trapped, never doing anything worthwhile, never making the right choices, not really being good at anything, no one needing or wanting what I have to offer, just taking up space, having no hope
• Tip: when you do your positive affirmations in the mornings, jot some of it down on a note card to carry with you throughout the day; that way you can access them easily when you need to remind yourself about good thoughts you'd come up with earlier
• Scheduled an appointment with in-house psychiatrist Dr. B in January; I might be getting meds! Maybe getting better is a possibility for me!

Pledge Fever

Tons of brilliant and resilient young women around the country have crossed into "Divine Nine" NPHC black sororities over the past couple of months.

Two of my younger cousins just became Zetas.
A girl I've known from church just became an AKA.
A younger girl scout sister of mine from elementary school through high school just became a Delta.

And I'm sitting here like dang, maybe I missed out! The idea's always been tempting to me, being a part of such a historically prominent sisterhood that is deeply engaged in communities. Along with that, having the right to rep that sisterhood boisterously, loudly, and with dignity.... wherever I go.... for the rest of my life (trust and believe, joining a Divine Nine sorority or fraternity is truly a lifetime commitment). But then I consider all the butt-kissing I'd have to do just to get invited on the line (why is everything so daggone secretive?!), and the unmentionable things that hazing could bring. And so then the idea of being treated like crap in order to fit in a group, wear nice gear, throw down at step shows, and call my aggressors my "sisters" loses its appeal. Maybe it's not that bad, maybe it is just that bad, maybe it's worse. I've never been committed to the idea enough to go all in no matter what, and take my chances finding out.

But.... but. If I'd given it a little more thought and put in the effort, maybe I'd be throwing my hands up in a triangle and wearing red and white all the time, reppin' DST right now. My grandma was a Delta, so I might've been legacy. I mean my mom's birthday and Founder's Day are on the same day! That's gotta be a sign! And my grandpa is an Alpha. My dad is a Que (branded arm, dog bark, and all). The Divine Nine is practically in my blood! I don't know. Maybe I missed the boat. Anyway it's been on my mind.

Fighting stronger - CREED.

Listen. I watched the trailer and learned that it would be Michael B. Jordan, Tessa Thompson, and Phylicia Rashad together in one film... and that's all I needed to know.

Seen Thursday, December 3rd: Creed 

Adonis Creed, son of famed boxer Apollo Creed and his mistress, is adopted by Apollo's widow and brought up with love and comfort. But boxing is in his blood, and when he decides to quit his job and move to Philadelphia to pursue his passion, he looks to Rocky Balboa to train him and help him come to terms with who he is as the son of a legend. 

 "Your legacy is more than a name"

 

What I really like about this film: Oh, let me count the ways.

The realness of Michael B. Jordan (Adonis) and Tessa Thompson (Bianca)'s relationship. As an athlete and an artist respectively, they're passionate, focused, and keep each other on their toes. Neither lets the other fall back on BS, but then when they get silly with each other it's also super cute! "Why didn't you tell me you had hands like that tho?" "But I'm a square tho, right? I'm a square."

Tessa Thompson's twists. Hair was never not on point.

The fact that you can understand the story, with all its references to events and characters from past films, even without ever having seen a single Rocky film. (Noobs like me appreciate this!)

The ways the film seemed rep Philly, as well as the Rocky franchise, so hard. That scene where Adonis is running, with the hood kids following behind on their motorbikes, going to visit the legendary old man Rocky's house, all set to that updated version of whichever Rocky song that was playing in the background? So hype it almost moved me to tears.

Too many inspirational quotes to count. And I paraphrase, "You are only fighting against yourself; you are your biggest competitor. That other fighter in the ring, that person's just in your way. Get them out of the way so you can get back to yourself."

Also, Sylvester Stallone as Michael B.'s adoptive, widely respected, crazy old uncle or "Unc".

What I don't like about this film:  Would've loved to see more of everyone's auntie, Phylicia Rashad. I got the impression from the trailer that she'd  have more screen time than she did, so that was a bit of a bummer. Still, it's always lovely to see her on screen!

Would I recommend it?:  Whet? Are you kidd-? gir-? ajfasjdf;lasjkf- YES! I've got nothing deep or sufficiently critical to say. There's nothing to not love about 'Creed' if you ask me, so do yourself a favor and go see it!

Salut les filles!

All these random Black French natural hair/beauty/lifestyle accounts on IG have been liking my stuff and following me the past couple of days. Don't know what's going on or how they found me, mais bon, salut les filles!

BOOKS! (The Expatriates) - proof

This is another advanced copy of that I snagged from the break room before anyone else could take it. It's about three American women who are expats, which is something I aspire to be. It's set in Asia, also where I aspire to be. And it's set in Hong Kong, which I'm not familiar with but have had fun catching glimpses of thanks to Kevin Kwan (Crazy Rich Asians, China Rich Girlfriend) and Bubzvlogz. AND, Kevin Kwan's blessing is printed on the introductory letter inserted by the book's publisher. So, much like my last read, I'm not familiar with the author but once I peeped all of these factors, I was sold.

The Expatriates by Janice Y.K. Lee
(on sale January 12, 2016)

We meet Mercy first. A first-generation Korean-American from Queens, Mercy hasn't yet hit her stride like her fellow young, attractive, and promising Columbia graduates seem to have. Bouncing between jobs and bedfellows, she takes a chance moving to Hong Kong but still struggles to make something stick. Her life just hasn't come together yet, and she consistently falls back on detrimental habits and misguided judgement as she believes she's destined for misfortune. Mercy is by far my favorite character in the novel. Except for the perpetual bad decisions, frequent dalliances with the "in" crowd, and being Korean, Mercy and I are basically the same person. I feel like Janice Y.K. Lee peeked into my life and wrote this character just for me, to remind me that yeah, quarter-life crises suck, but you're not the only one who's going through a sucky time, and that's okay. Mercy's a mess but she's trying, and that's exactly why I love her!

Then there's Margaret, a married wife and mother from San Francisco who gives up her career as a landscape architect to move the family to Hong Kong when her husband gets assigned there. She is also Mercy's employer for a short period of time. Margaret serves as an archetype for the upper-class married American expat woman who's followed her highly-paid professional husband, filling her time with social groups, elite clubs, dinner parties, charity benefits, supervising the help, country-hopping vacations, and being a mom. All signs indicate that she and her life are "perfect", but a tragedy leads her to buy a secret apartment in a run-down neighborhood to escape from this perfection from time to time.

And last but not least comes Hilary, another married woman whose life isn't so perfect. She and Margaret grew up in the same social circle in San Francisco, but they were never exactly friends. From shedding her baby fat, to going to the right school, to starting a career and then finding the perfect guy, everything has fallen into place for her. But now she's at an impasse reconciling her type-A expectations and facing whether or not she really wants what she's worked so hard to get. She's losing herself in the life that she's created in Hong Kong, which involves this odd, self-appeasing, prolonged trial-run with a local multiracial orphan boy whom she's considering adopting. Oh, and finding solace in anonymous online forums.

These three women are connected through a certain tragedy and the consequences of a certain indiscretion, in addition to all the unknowns that come with living as a foreigner in another country. In transitory and unstable expat life, things can fall apart or unexpectedly change in an instant. And in her own way, each of the three woman struggles to feel like a real, whole person. Each is unsure of whether or not she knows and deserves happiness. But don't misunderstand, The Expatriates is such a fun read! You know that one person who has the inside scoop on everything and has no qualms fueling the rumor mill by telling everybody's business? Janice Y. K. Lee uses her narrative voice to be that person, and at times the book reads like gossip that is just too juicy not to be enjoyed! If you've ever traveled or lived abroad, have had to bounce back from heartache, have had trouble figuring yourself out, are a mom, or if pettiness is your guilty pleasure, then I think you would really enjoy The Expatriates. At least I hope you will!

Favorite quotes:

"She was grateful for the simple gesture the woman in the lobby made, helping her to work the lever. This is a person, she thought, who doesn't know what I've just done. The woman's nod and smile were like a salve to Mercy, who didn't expect kindness from anyone ever again after what had happened. She sipped the hot water, felt its warmth trickle down her throat, shivered, and wondered if she'd ever feel warm again" (109).

"That woman cannot tell you you are not allowed to be happy. She is not in charge of you... You have to get down to the level of the thing. Don't be too proud to do it... and these things can happen. It is not all your fault. You can live your life. You are allowed" (306).

Shut up and take my money, Stromae!

Mannn. I don't care that I paid to see this same concert in Detroit Royal Oak back in September. I don't care that I just sat for two hours and watched this whole concert over again for free, reminiscing. Come December 11th or shortly after, this DVD will be mine. Stromae, you've changed my life and you've got an eternal fan in me. Je vous remercie de m'avoir profondément inspiré.

BOOKS! (Mãn)

This book caught my eye while I was at work. I decided to buy it because I read the synopsis and learned that it was written by a Vietnam-born author who lives in Quebec and writes exclusively in French. Gotta represent for la francophonie around the world!  Plus, I find that I'm frequently drawn to immigrant stories when I read literature. I don't mean "immigrant stories" to be reductive, but rather to note that stories such as Fresh Off the Boat, Americanah, The Spirit Stills the Storms, Small Island, Breath, Eyes, Memory, The Woman Warrior, The Namesake, and White Teeth, are all grounded in the endeavors of a person or group of people separated from their place of origin and making a life for themselves elsewhere. Mãn is up there with the rest of them, and the book is unassuming but draws you in so beautifully. Now I really want to get a copy of the original French version so I can get a stronger feel for Kim Thúy's voice.

Mãn by Kim Thúy

From the start, Mãn appears to be without a solid sense of origin or belonging. The novel opens with Mãn reflecting on her three mothers in Vietnam. There's the woman who gave birth to her, a ghost of a young woman who abandons her in a vegetable garden. There's a second mother, the recluse who found her there. And then there's Maman, the woman who raises Mãn, arranges a marriage that takes her to Montreal, and eventually immigrates to complete the family and be a grandmother to Mãn's children. In Montreal, Mãn's life is confined to the kitchen of her husband's Vietnamese restaurant, and the apartment above it in which they live. Without companions in this new city, she conjures up the sensations of Vietnam through her dishes, and the authenticity and exquisite quality of her food garner the restaurant popularity, as well as well-connected friends who help transform the place into a hip "culinary workshop". In this way, Mãn earns a measure of renown as a chef, and it is through traveling to France to do workshops and promote a cookbook that she meets and falls in love with Luc, whose family has a personal connection to the old French colony of "Indochina". It is through this love that Mãn is awakened to who she is as an individual and what she desires in life.

Early in the novel, Mãn references Une vie by Guy de Maupassant as one of the works of forbidden French literature that Maman made her read in Vietnam. She draws an important connection between herself and Une vie's main character, Jeanne, a sheltered rich girl who goes straight from her schooling at a convent to marrying a man her father has chosen. In the beginning she is young, naive, and dreams of romance and adventure. But poor Jeanne never has a chance, and she grows into a lonely and perpetually disappointed woman who can never fully express how unhappy she is because no one cares. Mãn, on the other hand, has no expectations until her affair with Luc. Because of her Western looks (it is hinted that her father was a Frenchman, and her light skin and rosy lips are rare yet highly sought-after signs of beauty in Vietnam), Mãn is made to think she's already set for life. Her name even means "may there be nothing left to desire", and thus she contrasts herself with Jeanne, saying, "I can ask for nothing more because my name imposes on me that state of satisfaction and satiety. Unlike Jeanne... I grew up without dreams" (27-8). Though Mãn and Jeanne differ on how much they expect out of life, their ends are similar. Mãn knows that the profound love she has found is transitory in nature. And so, like Jeanne, she has to find a way to continue living life without the one thing that she wants most.

One could easily read this entire novel in a day, but I would caution you not to rush through Mãn. Each chapter or passage is one to three pages, denoted in the margins with a Vietnamese word that represents the situation at hand, followed by its English or French translation. Thus the reader is constantly reminded that Mãn's particular immigrant experience is informed by language and memory. Oh, and food of course! Kim Thúy's writing is evocative yet very subtle, and this novel is relatively short, so I recommend taking your time with it!

Favorite quotes:

"...and until now the most surprising had to do with the French word rebelle, which I though was a derivative of belle: to be belle again, because beauty is acquired and then lost. Maman often told me that in case of conflict, it's better to hold back than to insult someone, even if that person is the one at fault. If we taint the other, we soil our mouth, because we must first fill it with anger, blood, venom. Starting then, we are no longer beautiful. I thought that the re in the word rebelle opened the possibility of a redemption, the one that would let us regain our beauty from before" (86).

"It was the obvious as well that had made me feel entitled to place my lips in the hollow of his collarbones and to elect it as my resting place. For the first time I felt the urge to plant my flag in that square centimetre and to declare it mine, whereas Maman and I had left so many places without even glancing behind us" (118).