The Laundromat Lady

Lord have mercy, do I have a story to tell today.

I'm at the laundromat last night, and among the other patrons is a 30-ish 40-ish woman accompanied by her five young children. All seems to be business as usual, until the lady becomes upset and starts making a scene because a machine has supposedly eaten her money and isn't working. Sista is literally crying and yelling and cussing and banging on things. On the one hand I'm alarmed (I'm on the phone with Ma when the lady starts up, and Ma even advises me to get in my car and wait, or just leave and come back to get my clothes later.) But then on the other hand I'm also wondering what this woman is going through, because people don't get angry like that just over some laundry. "I'm so f*cking mad right now. This laundromat is p*ssing me off!" and "Y'all just took my money! I want my money back!" and "This sh*t just keeps happening! I'm tired of this! I'm too old for this!" and "My kids need clean clothes! I'm not leaving here until my kids' clothes are clean! Call the police or whatever, but ain't leaving!" I've never seen anyone go off in public like that before, but I can't help thinking that this isn't just much ado about nothing...

She calms down somewhat and apologizes to the attendant for going off on her, after the attendant has calmly and patiently gotten everything sorted out. But then she's still fussing to herself and her kids that this laundromat sucks, the machines aren't working, that they aren't cleaning her stuff right, that she's going to have to go home with dirty clothes and sheets, oh my God, oh my God. And she's still muttering to herself and her kids, "My heart is hurtin'. I'm not feeling good. I can't deal with this.  Something ain't right, something's wrong with me for me to be getting mad and yelling like this. I need to get out of here. I'm not coming back here no more. Come taxes I'm getting my own washer and dryer."

This is not a deranged lady. This is common everyday human pain, distress, and frustration. We all have these feelings. Hers just so happened to come out of her and be expressed in a public place that normally prizes quiet, calm, getting business taken care of, staying out of people's way, and leaving without having caused any disturbance. Maybe she was just having a bad day, or a bad week, a bad few months, maybe even a bad couple of years? We don't know. The woman may have disturbed the peace last night, but who can honestly say to themselves that they've never felt the urge to just let it all out and be heard (recognized), even if that meant making a scene?

Sure, people are definitely responsible for how they react to situations, but when folks do go off, can we really blame them? Can we really look at them crazy as if they're the only ones who've ever been weary and felt like the world is against them, and who've ever been tempted to break the code of public conduct?

Sessions with Sue 27

It took me a week to write this because I don't really have anything to say about our first session of the semester last Friday the 23rd. All I did was basically catch Sue up on what's happened in my life during the four or five weeks that've passed since our last session.

You know, since starting in November 2013 I'd always assumed that I would need to be in therapy until I graduate. I figured I'd need to get all the help I could get, since after graduating I'll leave the area and thus be left to deal with my issues on my own without anyone to talk to in depth. (The idea of getting to know a new therapist and having to recount my life story allll over again seems too daunting to be worth it.) But for the past couple months I feel like we've just been chatting. No grand discoveries, epiphanies, or the like. Just talking for talking's sake (and because I never consider cancelling until it's too late, and she needs to be paid). So now I'm wondering how long I actually need to continue counseling.

However, despite my concerns (doubts? boredom?) I think I'll stick with it for now. It gives me a reason to get out during the day on Fridays, since I don't have class. Plus, even if it just feels like chatting, it's still an opportunity for me to actively have a conversation with someone, which isn't something I do often during the week since I largely stay to myself. We'll see if I change my mind, but I guess for now I'm okay with the same ol' same ol'.

Goodness, I'm crying.

Scrolling through my YouTube subscriptions today and happened upon this powerful interview. What I catch of daytime talk show 'The Real' is only the clips that they put on YouTube, and they're usually only the most funny, contentious, or gossip-worthy (occasionally mind-numbing) moments. They try to balance it out and be thought-provoking from time to time, but this is the first segment that's actually touched my heart and made me cry.

Adrienne. Wow. Hers is the exact same reason why I stopped singing. Or rather, why I never really put myself out there in terms of performing in front of others and developing my skill. (I've always been singing and writing, but I keep it to myself). I grew up listening to Adrienne's unique voice and it's shocking to learn that one of the most talented vocalists out there, who's actually had some measure of success, has the same securities I do about making music. Lord have mercy.

Sista Adrienne, thank you for sharing your story, and please don't be scared anymore. And Auntie Tamar, thanks for using your experience to offer some wisdom on what's worth caring about for an artist.

"Young and Beautiful"

Yo! So this girl Jasmine who was my junior in high school recently uploaded this short cover of Lana Del Ray's "Young and Beautiful"... and it's exquisite! The solid harmonies, the fluid runs, the warm and full tone, all of it's just absolutely stunning. There's so much depth and yearning and sadness in this cover; I'm impressed by how much Jasmine's voice has matured even in just the past couple of years. I need to get on her level, haha! And you need to listen to this song because it will bless your ears.

You're welcome.

A Girl and Her Outdoor Nighttime Singing Practice.

What luck! I just wrote the other day about walking alone at night, and tonight (late night Sunday) I had a strange yet refreshing encounter while walking "home" from studying. People say music brings people together...

I was nearing my dorm when I noticed this Asian girl walking in the same direction as me on the opposite side of the street. I didn't pay her much mind until I heard singing. I hadn't heard it at first because my earmuffs had stifled the noise. But once I noticed it, I stopped. Because she sounded superb, and from what I could tell she was singing a Japanese song. I was stunned. Is this girl really just walking up and down the street singing like that? That she was.

The girl glanced over to see me looking at her and abruptly halted. She was embarrassed. "Sorry," she tried to explain, "I usually try to stay away from residential areas..." And I assured her, "No, no, you sound really good, your voice is beautiful!" But then that only seemed to embarrass her more. "Thanks... I don't hear that very often." And I told her "Well, I mean it. You're not bothering me at all, so carry on. I'll leave you be. But always keeping singing okay?" Now that I think about it, we must've looked silly yelling to each other from opposite sides of the street like that. Haha. Anyway, we each bid each other good night, and I kept walking.

But then when I'd just about arrived at my dorm I stopped again. For some reason I had this nagging feeling that I needed to turn around, go back, and speak to that girl again. Like hmm, there could be a valuable connection worth making here. So I went back the way I came. She was still pacing slowly, but on my side of the street now, and rather than being weirded-out she waved when she saw me approaching.

I explained that I'd just wanted to know what song she was singing, since it sounded like Japanese and I happen to study the language. She informed me that she was actually singing in Korean (dang earmuffs!), Park Bom's "Don't Cry" to be exact. She's Korean and goes by "Shay", and she frequently practices singing while walking around outside because she's a little shy about singing around others, and she sings too loudly even for the practice room in her dorm. Basically Shay loves to sing but is a little hesitant about actually being heard or drawing attention to herself. We're like timid kindred spirits!

Long story short, we chatted a bit more, I complimented her again and asked her questions about her singing, I told her that I sing a bit too, and then she had me put my number in her phone. I repeatedly urged her not to forget to text me or something so that I'd have her number too. Then maybe we could hang out or even jam together (Hilena included? Ohhh that would be cool.) So hopefully she contacts me soon. And hopefully she didn't stay out there for too much longer, because this Michigan winter cold is nothing to play with!

That has to be one of the most random interactions I've ever had with someone on the street, and after midnight at that. But it was random in an oddly casual and natural way. Like that exchange was supposed to happen for a reason. Maybe I've just made a new musical friend? Or just a regular friend is cool too. I don't know. But whether I hear from her or not, I have a feeling that I'm going to remember this for a very long time. I'm inspired.

Pouty Priscilla

Today was my first day back at CAHS in over a month and it was so refreshing! I'd forgotten how much I love walking dogs!

My favorite walking buddy of the day was this not-so-little lady named Priscilla. I describe her as "pouty" only because with her boxer-like jaw and bulldog-like forehead and eyes, she can't help but look sad and concerned on the outside. She has a natural resting sadface. Also when I first went into her kennel she seemed really tired and overwhelmed, so I almost left her alone so as not to distress her.

But after sitting with her and rubbing her head, neck, and shoulders for a while, it became clear to me that Priscilla's actually very affectionate! She's a big, muscular girl but she's gentle, and she's incredibly mellow for her young age of two years. She's also a recent momma who still has a swollen tummy and teats, so maybe that somewhat accounts for the fatigue. I took her for a walk through the woods and she seemed to be more energetic. Most of the time she would gladly lead the way, but there were a couple of stretches where she insisted on walking beside me. At one point I slipped on the snow and fell on my behind (that's what I get for trying to take a picture of her with my phone and not paying attention. ha!), and she even got in my face as if to see if I was okay. Such a sweet girl!

Priscilla and I had an abbreviated yet pleasant walk, and she's a very special pup (as they all are!). I very much hope that she finds a home soon! If you're interested in adopting Priscilla, check out her profile HERE!

 








PS- The shelter recently implemented a new policy in which they no longer list a breed or estimated breed on he info cards that hang on the door of each dog's kennel. Apparently it's really inaccurate to come to any sort of conclusion based on physical features, and the shelter wants potential adopters to get to know and like the dogs based on how they are individually rather than on what their breed might be. Cool, right? I'd never heard of that before and was wondering if it would cause confusion. I thought, Well aren't people just going to speculate and ask about what breed a dog is anyway, since they probably have a specific one in mind that they want? But today it didn't seem like guests were too concerned about it, so I guess this new system works. So no, I couldn't tell you what Priscilla is, but I know she's a great dog. I guess that's what the shelter was aiming for.

PPS- Check out the pink clouds that I caught during my last walk of the afternoon!



**(UPDATE 1/26)** Priscilla got adopted today! Enjoy your forever home, sweetie-poo!

Walking Alone at Night

The one thing Ma has warned me against the most consistently since I've been in college is walking alone at night. Because it's just soooo dangerous and apparently women don't have lives after the sun goes down...

But walking alone at night, as risky as it might be, is actually something that gives me quite the profound sense of calm and safety. Rather than being by myself in the dark, I prefer to think of it as being "under cover of night." Why?

For one thing, I'm protected: few people around to look at me, fewer still to notice me possibly mouthing words to myself as I think out loud, and there's no temptation for me to mute myself in anyone's presence. Plus, it's quiet and still: minimal noise and movement to either distract me, overstimulate me, or drown me out. And to a certain extent I find my surroundings to be more mysterious and intriguing: everything looks so different in the dark, it's like you're in another world full of things that you can only notice and appreciate during this specific time.

I do some of my clearest thinking while walking at night. I do some of my most playful and reflective songwriting while walking at night. And I feel most at ease out in public when? At night. Maybe this all sounds nonsensical, but it makes sense to me.

My night walks are missing me. This winter's been mild enough where I'm tempted to get back at it. And it's not like I don't have the time to do so. Just wander, meander, stroll and ponder, by myself,  for the heck of it. Yeah, that'd be nice.