My name is Deela, and I'm still attached to the long hair ideal. I thought going natural would put me beyond it, but it hasn't.
In the beginning, I figured going natural would unleash continuous and uninhibited growth. Many natural women never had very long hair before, but after the big chop, some time, and good care─SURPRISE! Hair down to their butts. I hoped my hair would grow the same way.
And my hair did grow, outward and upward. My hair is fuller and shinier than it ever was before, and I have to admit that it is a little longer than it was when I had a perm. However it's not there yet. Granted, I've never actively tried to grow my hair super long. I'd just figured that with minimal intervention, healthy methods, and positive thoughts, it would happen.
But while looking at my straightened hair in the mirror yesterday I couldn't help thinking, My hair is so short; it's been stuck at my shoulders for the past year. My hair will never reach my butt. My hair will probably never even pass my collarbones. To be honest, I was really disappointed and felt like I'd failed. And then I realized something else, I'm just as obsessed with the long-haired standard of beauty as all the permheads and weaveheads out there. I'm no different. I'm not as mature and secure in this natural hair journey as I thought.
Wow. I still have a lot of learning and loving to do, short hair and all.
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