Arizona Day 4 (Wednesday)

Today we had to get up early because J had a court hearing. Obviously I can't talk about the details (partly because I don't know them all). I will say it's sad that a great kid like him has to go through so much at such a young age. It's not even like he has no one in this world. He has relatives, but no one who's supposed to care about him cares or is fit to look after him. I wasn't allowed inside the courtroom because this has nothing to do with me. So, as per usual this week, I got bored and took pictures.

We had to go to Phoenix for the hearing, so we had a long ride there and back for me to take a few more pictures.

Then, as per usual this week, we came back to the house and this is where we've stayed since mid-afternoon. It's not so much being cooped up that bothers me. It's that there are a lot more issues going on in this house than I anticipated before I got here, and the atmosphere isn't very conducive for enjoying oneself. Spring Break is supposed to be fun, right? I'm not mistaken, am I?

Two more days, Danielle. Just get through two more days...

"Ooh, is there food in here?" Sorry Bear, no food.

Arizona Day 3 (Tuesday)

Today was another slow day. As you can judge by my previous post, I've come to accept that this break is going to be slow rather than exciting. Today was the first day of break that I've been able to sleep in since Friday, which was pleasant. Since we won't be going back to Freestone until Thursday and I didn't want to get too far out of practice, I got up and did some yoga to the video below. Melissa West is the #1 Canadian yoga teacher on YouTube, and I started watching her videos before I went to a studio for the first time. The video I did today is the latest in her series "Namaste Yoga", and the purpose of this class was tapping into creativity. Lesson of the day: If you need to unleash your creative energy, open up your hip spaces!

After I went with my stepmom to a nail shop, we ate at this place called Pacific Rim Asian Kitchen. Can't say that I was impressed. I don't know if I'm a snob or if I don't like Japanese/Asian food and don't want to admit it yet, but I always walk away from Asian food restaurants feeling disappointed. Maybe I've just been going to the wrong ones. From the get-go, I know that what I'm eating isn't authentic. (Not that I'd know what authentic is, since I'm not Asian. But when the restaurant is a franchise or is owned/operated/staffed by primarily white people, you can almost always be certain that whatever you put in your mouth is Americanized.) And since I've been craving authentic things lately, especially food, I really can't be bothered. So it wasn't awful, but I can't say that I loved it.

After that, we came back to the house and after eating dinner we went to the library so J could do his homework. I didn't have anything to do and couldn't sit still long enough to read the book I had with me (I always keep one on me). So I took pictures. There was a particularly large and intricate dollhouse on the display that piqued my interest.

And now I'm here, writing about another pleasant but uneventful day. Eh, maybe I should've stayed in Michigan?

Probably, but you can't beat views like these.

Desert Reunion: I came at a bad time, didn't I?

I don't hate being here. I'm just bored.

I was told that unlike my previous two visits, this time we weren't going to sit around all week. We'd go out and do things, and this would be fun for me. This week would be all about me. However, as I suspected, that wasn't the case. It's understandable, though. It's kind of hard to cater to family members and guests when you have an extra child with extra needs under your care. That kid should be the center of attention. But then, don't invite guests! Apparently said kid has been here since February 14, so I wonder why they bothered telling me that I'd have tons of fun when that wouldn't be possible despite even their best intentions. I'm not trying to be ungrateful. I'm just saying that if I knew I was just going to sit around and have to hang out in the wings or in the periphery, I might've stayed at home. So I'm bored, and I've noticed a few things.

This blended "family" is a bit of a façade. Why? Because there are too many things that aren't to be discussed. What kind of man my dad was during his first marriage and how he hasn't changed a lot since then. What went down at my stepmom's job that lead to her being unemployed. Their money troubles. Why they pretend not to hate it in Arizona as much as they do. How J got in the system and ended up in their house. No one talks about these things.

I understand that I needn't know everything, that some things are better left unsaid even between the people who actually live in this house. My problem is that there seem to be too many unspeakable things, and I'm stuck on the outside.

Hence, my stay here is also a bit of a façade. Tourists are persuaded to go to places because they're told they'll be immersed in their destination. They think they're in it and a part of it, when really they're just temporary, usually unwanted, sometimes obnoxious observers. I am an observer in this house. This is my third time being here, and I'm almost just as uninformed about the area and this "family" as I was the first time I came 5 years ago. I feel like a tourist in this place and this house, because I haven't been allowed to know what's really going on. Such ignorance is not a luxury that a family member should have. I'm imposing and I'm starting to think coming here was a bad idea.

I write all this not to say that my spring break is a bust. My break is going great, as slow as it might be. Though I may not be out and about like I thought I would be, I still have plenty of time to read and write. Plus it's nice to be able to see people you haven't seen in 3 years. And who's to say that things won't pick up during these next 3 days I have left here? I just wish that I were included more in this family, seeing as how I am family. And I wish this blended family of mine didn't have so many secrets. The atmosphere is so weird and heavy this way. Everyone has hard times, and I'm sure I could understand if y'all would just tell me about it. EVERYthing doesn't have to be okay ALL the time.

Arizona Day 2 (Monday)

Inside of Freestone

Today was another slow day, but it was productive. I'll be maintaining my yoga/exercise practice at the house and at Freestone Recreational Center this week. At 8:30am I went there with my stepmom for my first pilates class ever, and it was really fun!









Then we went to the grocery store to get some food for me and for the house in general. I'm the only vegetarian in the house. Based on our prior conversations about my eating habits, I thought my stepmom would be cooking as long as I told her what I wanted to eat. At least that's how it happened when I was here three years ago. But while we were at the store, she made it clear that I was to cook my own food this time around. Which is fair. I was just surprised because I hadn't intended on cooking today (or this week at all, frankly). But I did! I made eggplant parmesan, and I must say that I've still got it! I might not cook often, but when I do it's almost always good!

Coco, my stepmom's other dog. "Get off my lawn!"

Arizona Day 1 (Sunday)

By the time we arrived from the airport and everyone went to bed this morning, it was around 2am. I stayed up for another hour or so because I didn't feel like going to bed. So I didn't end up falling asleep until 3:30am, and Dad woke me up at 6:48am for church later that morning. Surprisingly I wasn't tired. I was alert all through service and everything. But once we came back to the house and ate? Pssh, it was over. That jet lag hit me hard and I napped for 5 hours, y'all. Overall an uneventful but restful day.

PS- I have a Samsung camera but Intelli-studio crashed today, so I guess I'll be using Google Picasa 3 to import photos from now on. I have no complaints so far.

Lemon tree in the backyard. There's citrus everywhere here.

Bear, one of my stepmom's dogs

Spring Break: Detroit✈Arizona (Saturday)

Or I guess to be accurate: Detroit (5:30pm EST) ✈ Minneapolis-St. Paul (7:00pm EST) ✈ Phoenix (1:25am EST).

For Spring Break this year, I'm staying with my dad and stepmom in Arizona for the week. In the past I've had this habit of never writing sufficiently about the trips I go on. Either I can't commit myself to sit down and do it, or nothing I put down sounds right or really conveys the experiences I've had. But this is a new blog, so I'm going to do better this time, starting with my first trip of the year.

I got home Friday and spent some time with Ma and Madison. Then today I got up and had Ma braid my hair...

Ma: "What are you doing?"

Had some last-minute cuddle time with Madison...

And was off to DTW. My first flight was completely full, but I had an aisle seat, so that was convenient. We took off late, but managed to get to Minneapolis-St. Paul about 30 minutes ahead of schedule.

I sat in MSP Int'l for 3 hours before my next flight and let me just tell you, MSP is not an airport. It's a mall. It's like Somerset, but with boarding gates. Unnecessary but convenient, I guess. But I digress. Luckily this flight wasn't completely full, and I got an entire row to myself. Again took off late, but managed to get here about 30 minutes early.

My dad greeted me at baggage claim, and a curious thing happened. He said, "Everybody's been waiting for you to get here." Everybody? Last time I checked, it's only you, Cynthia, and the dogs in the house. So unless there's some surprise late-night welcome party, what do you mean by Everybody, Dad? Then he follows with "Did Cynthia tell you that we have a kid living with us now?" Turns out, Dad and Cynthia have a 13 year-old white boy named J living with them now. He's their foster child.

Now I already knew that this was something that Cynthia wanted and Dad didn't (he went along with it anyway). I knew that they had gone through all the necessary processes and were approved to have a child placed with them. However, I did not know that they had gotten a foster child already. Why didn't they tell me? I know that I probably don't call often enough to give me the right to know everything about their lives, but they've known since October or November that I was coming. Yet they conveniently forgot to tell me about this new addition. That's a little inconsiderate isn't it? Maybe they thought if they told me, I wouldn't have come. That might have been true. But still, a little heads-up would have been appreciated.

It's ironic, really. I'm actually family, but I'm the guest. He's the temporary resident, but he knows the house better than I do. Eh well. He seems like a pretty good kid. I don't know his story yet and I'm not sure that I will before I leave. And I know it sounds selfish, but this is my spring break, so I really hope I don't end up on kid duty. Luckily he'll be at school all week so that probably won't be a problem. However, I do hope for his sake that Dad isn't too mean to him. It's clear that he only puts up with J because of Cynthia, and I really don't want it to become a Cinderella situation where he treats J like crap while I'm the evil stepsister who gets treated like a princess. J's just a kid and even though his presence is unexpected for me and not ideal for my dad, he doesn't deserve that.

So yeah. I'm here. I'm tired. Goodnight.

I cut myself while at MSP. Don't judge me; adults need band-aids too sometimes.

Flying is a Miracle.

Flying is a miracle. Being able to decide to go somewhere, leave here, and arrive there is a wonder and a blessing in itself. But to be able to do so sitting above the clouds, not doing any work to propel yourself forward, being shown how small you are, how small the world beneath you is, how beautiful God's works are, and how great He is.... That is a miracle.