Saturday, March 28, 2015

Sessions with Sue 33

So, my doctor's appointment on Monday was horrible and overall it's been just a really rough, dark, heavy week. So yesterday we mostly talked about what happened and how depressed I've been (mostly for the usual reasons). We also talked about the unfortunate prospect of me having to move back in with my mom after graduation, and how I feel really bitter and ashamed about it:

  • Prospect of having to go home after graduation is seeming more and more like a definite; and you're disappointed; but instead of seeing it as having failed, think of it as extending the incubation period that college has been
  • This could actually be very productive, constructive, and benefical for you; time to work on yourself/get back to yourself after having been under so much pressure in school, in a comfortable setting, without having to worry about living expenses and the stresses of adjusting to a new place
    • Made a list of all the things you could do and it's helped it not seem so bad, even though it's anything but ideal
  • Find another therapist back at home to talk to after graduation?
  • Even after all this time, you still have very strong ideas about what you "should" be; I should look like this, I should have accomplished this, etc... And you really want to live up to those things; inconceivable to you that you might be ok the way you are now, or that the way things are at present is acceptable
  • Equating your weight with your future (or lack thereof), feeling doomed because you haven't been able to lose the weight yet; sure it's a part of how you look on the outside, but it's not you. It's not who you are, it's not all there is to you; really it's not everything though it feels like it is
    • it doesn't negate all the good things about you!

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