Friday, February 28, 2014

Sessions with Sue 10

I have a confession to make. After I saw myself in FoF's latest video on Sunday, I basically had a breakdown. I'd forgotten how fat I was. I was shocked and heartbroken and ashamed of how I looked, so I was really depressed this week. Didn't want to look at myself in the mirror or windows, didn't want to be seen by anyone, didn't want to go anywhere, didn't want to do anything. I just shut down, cut myself off from most contact with people, and was consumed with very negative thoughts. It was a dark and terrible week. So yesterday Sue and I mostly talked about my issues with my body, which I've been dealing with for most of my life. At one point she asked me what about my body I disliked so much, and I guess it's just that I have too much extra, it's a hindrance, it's embarrassing, and it's hard to get rid of it all. Here are some things she had to say about that:
  • Part of progress is letting things bubble up to the surface. When they do, they don't take anything away from your progress, they just demand attention.
  • When you get down and become ashamed of yourself, you disconnect from all the wonderful things that your body does for you.
  • Being separate from others, being on the outside, being invisible, they all hurt you. Even though they seem like protections.
  • You are not alone in this. There are lots of women out there who are hungry fro someone to encourage them and go through it with them just like you are.
  • You have a third eye, a judgmental eye, that is very (unnecessarily and destructively) strong.
  • Think: How can I nourish my body, and treat it with the same care as I treat my mind and soul?
  • Part of it is mindfulness. Observe yourself (but in a nice way!)

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