Yesterday we finally got around to discussing the letters I wrote about my dad. To be honest I don't like to think about my dad too much, much less talk about him, because it's incredibly painful and uncomfortable. So you can understand how yesterday's was a difficult conversation for me. I won't go into the details of what I wrote, but here are some of the things that came up as Sue and I discussed my dad and the influence that he's had on my life:
- You feeling lost and uncertain about your purpose in life or what direction you should go
─that's where you should be at 21.Your dad being that way at 50-something─he should've figured a lot of that out already. So just because you see that commonality between you two doesn't mean you'll end up chronically unhappy in adulthood like he is.
Underneath the depression and anger you have due to what you've experienced, there's also profound sadness that you didn't get the dad you deserved. You didn't get the stable foundation of unconditional love that you needed from him.
Even though you've been physically separated for 10 years, he still has power over you because you operate with the mentality that his evaluation of you was correct. And it wasn't. You have more depth than your dad does.
Good thing is now, no one has to control you. You get to say how your life will go. Rather than living in what you didn't get or he didn't give you, you get to say, "Well, I'm going to make something good for myself now."
- Taking advantage of opportunities to socialize with people affirms for you that you're worth spending time with.
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