Perhaps this year just happens to be my year for weird dreams. Or maybe it's not that I'm having more odd dreams than usual, but that I'm just remembering more of them and paying more attention than I have before? Recently I watched a short film on TV called Mello's Kaleidoscope, where a woman has dreams that are so strange and vivid that she has difficulty keeping track of what's real and what's not. Her therapist tells her that these dreams are her subconscious trying to tell her something about her fearful fearful aversion toward uncertainty and her detachment from the world and people in it. Watching this film, I was very much reminded of myself.
In addition to my forgotten class dream that I was having seven months ago, there are two other dreams that I've had this year that I felt the need to write about. I don't know what they mean but I can guess why I'm having them. So here goes.
Prepping for My Wedding dream:
I've had this dream twice this semester, as far as I remember. Each time I'm surrounded by people, mostly older than me, who are either telling me what to do or advising me on how a wedding should go and things one must do to prepare. I'm nervous and slightly overwhelmed rather than excited about the wedding. I'm lost and confused, never completely sure what's going on and pretty much following along with what the people around me say. It's like the wedding is a big show or my debut to the world, a duty rife with expectations that I can't get out of. Also, no groom appears in these dreams. I don't even know who he's supposed to be.
The first time I have this dream, I'm informed that I'm expected to sing a song for my groom at the reception and the people around me are trying to decide what song I should sing. But I'm not familiar with any of their suggestions, and I try to learn a few on the spot, but nothing that we come up with works. Thus I end up with nothing to sing.
The second time, it was all about my look and the logistics of my wedding. I can't remember much about the dress part, but there is a big hullabaloo about the logistics. People were getting into pretty serious and heated quibbles about this detail, that detail. I also remember there being either a really important planning meeting or wedding rehearsal (perhaps it was both?).
Keeping People Out of My House dream:
I've had this dream multiple times throughout the year, and the basic structure is always the same. I and people I know and trust (Ma, friends, and some family members) are inside my house. There's an impending danger, so we have to make it seem like no one is home while at the same time preparing for an affront. Who's closing in on us trying to break their way in? Each time it's a different person or group of people, ranging from benign to murderous: my dad, inexplicably malevolent folks on a mission to capture and kill us for no reason, belligerent party-ers and rebel-rousers seeking a new place to wreck stuff, trick-or-treaters, people who just wants take the house from us and make it theirs. And every time, I and my crew prepare as best we can under my direction, closing blinds and covering windows, locking and barricade doors, turning off nearly all the lights, putting people on guard at different parts of the house, and trying our best to be still and quiet. But no one seems to understand the seriousness of the situation like I do, and every time someone messes it up. Someone makes too much noise, or doesn't lock or bolt something properly, or they somehow get tricked into opening the door for someone from the outside and let them in. Whichever way it happens, the plan fails and someone infiltrates the house who shouldn't, and I always wake up before doom or destruction ensues.
If anyone knows anything about how to interpret dreams, please share your knowledge! I will try to do some research of my own to figure out what some of the particular elements might mean. But I'll go ahead and make a lucky guess that what we have here is my anxiety and uncertainty about the future and my general distrust of people at work in my subconscious.