Other people and things matter more to him than you.
You don't matter to him.
You don't matter.
On numerous occasions and in various ways my dad has treated me in this manner, and up until recently I have always blamed myself and been incredibly saddened by it. But this time, though I was disappointed and upset, I was also angry. Indignant even. Like, How dare you?! I am nobody's afterthought, thankyouverymuch! Do you have any idea how awesome I am?! What makes you think you can do this to me?! So during our session yesterday, Sue and I ended by talking about this phone call and how it made me feel:
- Your dad doesn't see you because he's probably a narcissist, and narcissists only see people as a reflection of themselves. They don't think about other people or their feelings. He's probably not even aware of what he does or how it makes you feel.
- This is a wound that will linger; the hurt will probably never go away. But as you recognize that it's on him and not you, it will gradually have a smaller and smaller impact on how you react to him and how you feel about yourself.
- And then maybe one day you'll be able to tell him how you've felt all these years, without being afraid that he'll get mad and yell at you.
- In reaction to his hurting you, you've been able to move from devastation and self-blame to anger and indignance. That's progress. And you're right. How dare he? You just keep being awesome, and he'll just have to miss out.
- You've been able to make steady progress in such a few months because you were ready for this process. You needed it. You did the work, Sue just guided you along.